Nope. I would find disgust in it, in both my partner and my brother from another mother with another weener.

I have a friends with benefits relationship and it does help but it's easy to get caught up. You have to be able to keep it in perspective if you want to maintain your current committed relationship.

i dont know if i could handle the guilt, even with my wife's approval. the danger would also be to develop romantic feelings for the person you're being romantic with...hastening the demise of the relationship you were trying to save. no easy answers to be had, i suppose.

I have permission from my husband so there is really no guilt involved but it is hard not letting my emotions get the best of me sometimes.

now the big question...do you think that having a lover has helped stabilize your relationship with your husband, or has it introduced additional problems you've had to solve? if you could go back in time...would you do it again?

I would definitely do it again! Actually, I wish I hadn't waited so long. That being said, my husband and I have a very solid relationship, I don't think it would work if we didn't.

I think the solid relationship is what is important. Trust that it will not be more.

littlecat...gimme a shout..P~..also, I am a sexual surrogate and my clients seem to find it immensely helpful.... but sometimes I feel guilty..taking money from these insecure, ultrahorney women I'd bang for nothing..but ya gotta pay the bills...right?

Blazingdog, what is the difference between a sexual surrogate and a prostitute?

Well I don't pay for sex, I just find a partner who is looking for something outside of their current situation.

i think that committed means all in.
i wouldn't have someone on the side.
i wouldn't accept it from the person that claimed to be in a committed relationship with me.

cheating/prostitute/surrogate/ is all about "me"
the committed relationship is bigger than you or i

Technically a surrogate is the same as a prostitute I believe..littlecat...send me some nekky pics...If I find you attractive I'll bone you for nothing or at least least give you a nice discount...

Anyone who compares a surrogate partner to a prostitute is ignorant on this subject. I have been seeing a surrogate for some time now. With her help I have learned to be comfortable with women, and skills to help in any new relationships. A good discussion of surrogate partners is in Tova Fedor's book "Sex is the Least of It: Surrogate Partners Discuss Love Life and Intimacy"

I have been with prostitutes and these experiences were useless to me.

I am in my 50's and had given up on hopes for finding someone to love. I chose to try a surrogate partner as my last option. Now I have a live-in girlfriend who loves me. She knows nothing of my work with my surrogate partner, as she wouldn't understand. But she benefits from my treatments.

My work with the surrogate partner is ending soon. I have accomplished most of the things I wanted to overcome.

And another difference is that you cannot work with a surrogate partner without a Sex Therapist or other qualified professional supervision. This therapy triad is mandatory. Without supervision it would be prostitution.

little blue, so you think it is fair to keep such secrets from your girlfriend, "she wouldn't understand",
really? think that through, would you accept the same secretiveness from her?

Refurb, yes I would accept her keeping secrets from me. But that is me; many others likely would not.

It is true, though, that I wish I could tell her. But she has been hurt in the past by those cheating on her and she wouldn't accept what I am doing is not cheating.

And what I am doing is not cheating. I started this form of therapy before I started dating my girlfriend. Without this therapy I wouldn't have begun dating again.

It is hard to describe why this therapy has been beneficial to me through short messages and in a public setting like this forum. It took two years of therapy before I even broached the idea of using a surrogate partner to my therapist.