I think everyone has fantasies, but IMHO it crosses the line if it effects other adversely. Such things like sex with children or animals are the main taboos that most decent people would never cross those lines. However if your in a committed relationship then anything that goes against your partners wishes, desires, or morals is also taboo.

I have never been one to support open relationships or sexual experimentation with more than your partner and it sounds to me like his fantasies involve another. It also sounds like he wants to live in a scripted world when it comes to sex and he is the writer.

My thoughts are that you should stick to your beliefs no matter what they are and let what come happen. Maybe your not meant to be together if he wants you to do tings your not interested in or they go beyond your comfort level.

I wish all the luck.

I agree that you should stick with your needs and desires and beliefs. I followed a partners clear instructions only to have them flip the message on me afterwards. Then flip back then flip again then again. Would he really do whatever you desired? What if it involved gay sex? I bet not. Monogamy should be cherished and it takes hard work and growth. If you agree you need to tell him that. Hopefully you can figure out a way to fill each other's needs, together. Marriage is two people. You should know based on his fantasies if he needs to be dom or sub and help him fill that need.

PS - you are normal,

Thanks for your responses. I am still trying to navigate what is going on. Intimacy is not even the tip of the iceberg in terms of areas that need attention in our marriage. It is however the area he places the absolute most emphasis on. But in 14 years of being together his desires/needs seem to have always been unfulfilled whenever we discuss them. When we met I didn't want to ever have anyone else in my bed aside from him. Then after our daughter was born a year and a bit in our relationship he made it clear how unsatisfied he was with our sex life so he pushed for a threesome. So I did it for him and somewhat enjoyed it but it never felt right. Then one wasnt enough. In the next 8 or so years after that we ended up having a total of 6 different women join us multiple times. That wasnt enough and he started pushing for a couple to join which I have absolutely said no to but he still brings it up often. Toys have been part of it all as well which I would happily explore more in the bedroom but hes wanting to bring them outside the room(ex: something in me while were out on a "date") which makes me extremely uncomfortable. I truly feel as though he will never be satisfied.

That is the way it sounds to me. He will never be satisfied and as long as you keep giving in to his desires he will keep asking and maybe even expecting it.

I am sorry you have to deal with this, but they of give an inch and they will take a mile. That's what he is doing. If you don't want it then tell him and if he cant understand then your options are open to leave him. Are you desires being met at all ? It sounds like it all evolves around him. :(

Because of everything else going on with our relationship being intimate is the last thing on my mind. It unfortunately has become nothing more than a chore to me. That being said I can't say that I am truly satisfied when I look only at our intimacy area. Knowing that no matter how much or how little we are intimate that he is not satisfied makes me not satisfied. If you know what I mean. He's made it clear that I am never giving him enough and he feels that since I get off that I am satisfied and have had all my needs fulfilled.

He has unfilled orgy / dominant needs and you are absolute no other men. Sounds like an impasse. It will last with him long into your menopause and beyond,

Its not just men its women too. I want a strictly monogamous relationship and he is not ok with that. But he is also not ok with an open relationship. There is a huge list of what I am allowed to do with another guy should my H and i end up in an orgy/3some type situation. I do feel as though its at an impass. Have felt that way for years but tried to give in to what he wanted regardless of how I felt. Then I messed up and things just keep getting worse.....

I think your husband is being a tremendous dick. I have always considered fantasies to be a private thing only to be shared when both parties are comfortable with it. It's healthy to share them with your partner if you want to actually act them out, but if not, then there's no reason to.

If his behavior makes you uncomfortable, he needs to respect that and stop. You are entitled to sex that is enjoyable too. It should feel safe and pleasurable. When it no longer does, that is not ok. The talk of threesomes when you have already said that you don't want to do that is just wrong. And talking to other people about it to line up potential partners when you've already said no is even worse.

Normally I'd say sit him down and have a very serious talk with him, but if you've already been fighting with him, I'm guessing you already tried to. I'm sorry to say that it sounds like this guy doesn't really care about you or respect you. His behavior is borderline abusive. I would seriously reconsider your relationship with him. No one has the right to treat others (especially their spouse) like he is treating you.

Thanks for the input shannonj96. I do not have most of my journal entries public but if you check out some of my other posts or friend me you will see that this is just the tip of the ice berg. He has now stated that in regards to his fantasy of having another couple join that he has "given up on it and accepts that it will never happen" BUT "is there anything I could do that would make you more comfortable with it?" was immediately what followed. And in some messed up way my mind went "oh he cares about how to make me comfortable so maybe it is not such a big deal" and then my brain snapped out of it and said wtf I just literally said "I never want to have anyone else join us in the bedroom again" There is much much more to my story, like 14 years worth that I am trying to figure out how to make me happy again.

you are genuine in how you represent yourself .
he is disingenuous .
he is extremely self centered.
you are an object to him.
i don't think it is healthy for you to continue to live as an object.
i don't think he is willing or even capable of change.
you are.
it comes down to what will you change, yourself or your circumstances?
again, you are genuine, so maybe you shouldn't consider changing yourself.

Thank you so much for your kind words refurb. I have actually just started counselling again and we are making a plan for me to leave. I know I am not in a healthy relationship at all. Have not been for years but kept thinking it would change and that I was totally to blame.