Healthy Sex Support Group
This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.
So, I'm engaged to a man that I love. For the most part, we have a wonderful relationship, but sex has always been an issue for us. Our latest problem is his complete unwillingness to give me oral (we've been together for a year and a half and he's only done it twice). I was having issues with giving him head for a while (can't stand the taste of precum, which was made worse by being pregnant and having morning sickness), but he kept pushing me to do it and even went so far as to get me some altoids to temporarily reduce my sense of taste. Now, I normally do it a fair bit, but he absolutely will not reciprocate. I keep my lady parts very clean, and he knows this. They don't smell weird. They're perfectly normal healthy lady parts.
One day, he asked me for a blow job and I said I would do it if he was willing to return the favor. He agreed, so I gave him the blow job. He never held up his end of the bargain. Since then, I've tried talking to him about it a few times, but he's not very comfortable with discussing sex. He won't tell me what the actual problem is. He just says he doesn't like doing it because it doesn't really do anything for him. He knows that giving head doesn't really do anything for me. I don't hate doing it, but I only do it because he enjoys it. Despite knowing this, he was ok with pushing me to do it when I was having issues because he likes it, but he gets really upset if I try to do the same to him. I understand that he has the right to not want to do something in bed, but at the same time, I'm really upset that he expects me to do something that I'm not all that fond of for his pleasure when he's not willing to do the same for me.
Now, I haven't given him head for about a month. I have finally resorted to refusing him head until he's willing to give me oral. I feel like I'm being just a tid bit petty, but at the same time I think he's being really selfish. He's not a big fan of foreplay in general (I normally only get any if I ask for it, despite the fact that I've explained to him why it's so important), so this is made just that much worse by his sudden dislike for foreplay.
Does anyone have any suggestions for how to deal with this? I don't like being petty. I don't like having to be so pushy to get any kind of enjoyment out of sex. He's gotten really lazy in bed, and I'm completely not ok with that. I would love some advice.
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
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I was recently separated from my wife of 33 years and it's complicated. Anyway I rented a room about 15 minutes away and I see my kids about once a week. I see the people who own the house I live in once in a while but other than that I stay in my room where I do my cooking, wash dishes in the shower, read, color, and sleep. I get out at least once a day. I grocery shop and I attend 2 meetings...
That is what love does.
He wasn't always like this. He's very vanilla in bed by my standards, but I'm mostly ok with that. Yes, I would like him to be more adventurous, but if I suggest something different for us to try, I get the endless line of questions about where I got the idea, is it something I did with a past partner, etc. And if I ever try to ask him if there's anything he might want to try, we wind up fighting because he tries so damn hard to avoid the question and asks me if there's anything I want to try.
The funny thing is that for the longest time I wouldn't let him give me oral. It was originally something he wanted to do with me. I had some bad experiences with it in the past (one guy even bit me hard enough that I was bruised the next day), but he was convinced that I would like it if he did it. Finally I agreed, and he was right. Now he absolutely will not do it, and he won't really explain why.
I know he's not cheating on me. I don't understand why all of a sudden he's gotten to be so selfish in bed. I'm not asking for anything outlandish. Just a little foreplay and some oral. Maybe the next time this comes up, I'll offer him some altoids. :P
Your not petty and I always say if he wont do for you then don't do for him. If you do it makes you a servant and not a partner.
And that's not sappy; it's very true. This is exactly why I always went for older guys before. My fiance is one of two guys under the age of 30 I've ever been with (I'm 21). I'll be completely honest and say I never had these kinds of problems with any of the guys over 35 I was with. Well, except for one guy that was abusive, but that didn't last long since the first time he ever actually hurt me, I put his head through a wall then never spoke to him again.