Healthy Sex Support Group

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Am I allowed to want more?

veggiequeen
veggiequeen

After more than 10 years....I did shut down. 


Recently a new friend did encourage me to open up. Sharing everything...him encouraging me and allowing me to be...think or say whatever was on my mind.  I came to realize I am not dead yet...I do not always need to behave....  (ok to have that naughty side too)  He's also helped me to overcome alot of guilt and hangups.....


Now everything is all stirred up and I have all these wants and desires I do want to explore and share. My husband (partly due to a health issue) has accepted being shut down as the norm.  He knows I do suddenly need more....feels a bit bad..but that is it.


Just when I finally start to focus on myself and be brave enough to speak up,  something always seems to come up (another health issue for hubby.... an unexpected problem....) I worry about him or his feelings if I open up....I don't want to be hurtful, but am tired of being the one in pain.


AM I ALLOWED TO WANT MORE?

LonelyAnne
LonelyAnne
Wow,I understand. I am there too. I have a close friend who tells me that I need to what is best for me or I am hurting us both.
veggiequeen
veggiequeen
But how do we finally stand up for ourselves and take that first step? I have spent my entire life trying to care for everyone else (often) at my expense. I think a part of me is so anxious and excited to actually go out and explore what could be in store ......but then I have this fear that it could all be a mistake or turn terribly wrong.

I feel like I need a trip to OZ.......at times I need a brain....definitely, always courage....perhaps the ruby slippers......All I do already have is the heart.....still a bit cold, very empty and slightly broken.
LonelyAnne
LonelyAnne
You are funny! I like that. Can you take me to OZ too? I have done stupid things as a result of not taking care of myself. I know I should just be honest with him, but instead I sneak. I think it would be more fair if I was honest.

Anne
brownboy
brownboy
Have you all considered just having a male friend that could take care of some of your needs?
veggiequeen
veggiequeen
I did the friends with benefits deal before I was married....Now I have actually grown close to a few guys that I met and shared with and got to know online. They have helped me alot.... but they are all far far away.
As far as the male friend.........The problem with that is at this point I am still married. I don't want to hurt him (even though I am almost always hurting because of our situation)
Plus the fact that if I did that again I think I would be reinforcing my belief that I once again need to settle for whatever crumbs come my way.
geoyur77
geoyur77
Yes,. Your husband needs insentive to get healthy. You need to figure out what that is... leather or lace is the question
veggiequeen
veggiequeen
I did the friends with benefits deal before I was married....Now I have actually grown close to a few guys that I met and shared with and got to know online. They have helped me alot.... but they are all far far away.
As far as the male friend.........The problem with that is at this point I am still married. I don't want to hurt him (even though I am almost always hurting because of our situation)
Plus the fact that if I did that again I think I would be reinforcing my belief that I once again need to settle for whatever crumbs come my way.
it's a sticky situation