I know exactly what you mean.. I had 3 men abuse me between the ages of 5 - 13 and im pretty messed up from it..
I think you might have more success posting in the sexual abuse group for this question, more can identify with what you mean ..

sometimes i feel pretty bad about my sexuality and nature of it, i feel like im wrong or nasty or dirty or whatever.. but then i think about that a lot of people even ones who never suffered any abuse, are closet freaks.. haha.. try not to be too down on your self. one day you will meet someone whos good for you...

I'm sorry that u had that experience... It is so hard when your that young isn't it.. Just very confusing, I haven't found a lot of guys that have had my experience that young too so I feel very alone and even more of some type of freak, what did I do to make girls want to abuse me so young was I putting off some signal that I wanted that I wonder or just that I'm a very trusting person who likes to please people.. I wish I knew... I know what u mean, and I did also post in that group and one other even, I thought that the people in the healthy sex group might have a different view that would help me also, that's what I think I need to get to is a point where I can have healthy sexual relationships... I feel so alone in my struggle sometimes.. I know like u said that a lot of people are closet freak and I've found that to be true with a lot of the girlfreinds I've had, that I will bring out that side of them but I guess in a relationship u don't wanna feel like someone is being something for you that they're not... I Have a lot of respect for women I grew up being taught that and am so grateful for that but at the same time people who just want sex usually have a way of disconnecting and just keeping it about sex... I either have girls who really appreciate my supportive side or just appreciate my very sexual side, I guess it's just becoming an issue now as I get older because I end up wanting to cuddle or something after really intense sexual relationships and I have yet to find a girl that will enjoy both of those very opposite ends of the spectrum...

Get some therapy.

It may be useful to let your gf know as you are becoming serious whay your issues are and whay kind of a person you are looking for.
I agree that therapy is good, but realistically it may never go away. You jusy have to find someone who is mature and patient enough to give you the support and respect you require.

I know what you're going through, it can last for many decades.
I experienced sex abuse when I was a kid.
I never told anyone until my 1st wife, she was understanding b/c she too went through it herself with a fam. member.It destroyed her life
sumpthin awful, I too lived a self destruct life, the only thing besides
having a mate to talk to about it was we were both highly sexual.

I've met alot of ppl who were sexuly abused (i'm almost 50 yrs old.)
they usualy go 1 way or the other.. highly sexual or
'don't touch me or talk about sex' !..

I do suggest once your comfortable in the relationship talk to your mate about what happened.& let them know what I just said about ppl goin 1 way or the other, & you are highly sexual not that you're a perv. it's just that way.

Counseling of some type may help, or at least write about what happened & save it in your pc, maybe even let your g-friend read it maybe she'll understand you more. or just keep it for yourself
& know you're not the guilty one , you were the child.

It's good you know that your abuse was not your fault. I would seek professional advice about your desired future. You'd make a great dad I'm certain.

Somewhere along the line you've convinced yourself that being sexual is bad and that in order to be loving and a family man, you can't be sexual.

Husband and wife time can be mighty sexual and playing with the kids can be delightfully fun in a more wholesome way. There just needs to be time for both. It does get harder to be both when the kids take priority.

I too have had problems fusing sex and love my entire adult life. I too think it may have had something to do with me being abused as a kid, not by a family member, but in the form of being bullied by kids in school. I shut down emotionally and that was my way of dealing with the abuse. I didn't have what one would call a linear emotional development.

Now my emotions alternate between between being loving, being sexual and expressing myself physically in the form of being violent. Heap some stress on me and this rage emerges. It's a survival instinct, but it keeps me alone. I'm working on it.

What is it about your sexuality that you think is so deviant that it gets in the way of you being loving? Does your sexuality mask deeper emotions, like pain and rage? You have to express that stuff too in order to be healthy.

Thank you guys for the advice, the obvious answer seems like I just need to find that perfect girl that likes the weird off balance person that I am... I almost always have had great relationships and even think that my past has made me a more supportive and understanding person, I feel like when it comes to sex, it's ok to just let yourself indulge in your fantasies, as long as there's respect, sexual preference to me is like music, I don't choose what I like I just do or don't like it instinctually, I think I just got down on myself for letting it mess up my last relationship, hooefully I will find that perfect one someday soon...

I really think it's more about how you feel inside than finding that perfect someone. I hear you though and someone who has certain qualities is desired. I just cringe a bit when looking for the perfect one, cause we all have so many imperfections. I was not sexually abused but was physically and emotionally as a child and likewise developed a confusion about love and sex. I was so desperate for a traditional family I ended up with a alcoholic and abuser who I am currently recovering from an 11 year relationship from. That is why I say be content with yourself so you do not reach out to the wrong one.

That's so true, cab.

Auri, it's really just a matter of being yourself and not apologizing for who you are, but at the same time being respectful of others' feelings too. There IS a certain amount of softening and tenderizing, not being so obnoxious, that a man has to do in order to be with a woman so as to satisfy her and not offend her, especially a very sweet woman, if sweet is what you want.

Perhaps you crave a woman who is a little more spicy, zesty, feisty, boldly sexual, openly temperamental (God knows they're around), and that's OK too. But then don't let her usurp the man that you are. Don't become the wimpy one in the relationship if you don't want to be wimpy. It's important to recognize how you want to feel and continue to feel that way, in or out of a relationship. We DO affect each other, positively and negatively, but ultimately we want to feel comfortable being ourselves, and look for mates who help us bring out the best in ourselves, encouraging, supportive, and we extend our mate the same courtesy.

You suffer PTSD, all sexual abuse victims do. I would seek professional treatment for it if I was you, as it no doubt confuses your current thinking.

oldcodger-----as much as we appreciate the support, please dont fill up peoples hug section with spam. not cool. please dont give me random advice if you dont know me.