Healthy Sex Support Group
This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.
MY FIRST CONDOM:
>
> I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I
> went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There
> was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and
> she could see that I was new at it.
>
> She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear
> one. I honestly answered, 'No, this is my first
> time.' So she unwrapped the package, took one out and
> slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it
> was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused.
> So she looked all around the store to see if it was empty.
> It was empty.
>
> ' Just a minute,' she said, and walked to the door,
> and locked it.
>
> Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned
> her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it
> aside. 'Do these excite you?' She asked. Well, I was
> so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then
> said it was time to slip the condom on.
>
> As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her
> panties and lay down on a desk. 'Well, come on', she
> said, 'We don't have much time.'
>
> So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that
> unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW, I was
> done within a few minutes.
>
> She looked at me with a bit of a frown. 'Did you put
> that condom on?' she asked.
>
> I said, 'I sure did,' and held up my thumb to show
> her.
>
> She fainted.
>
> I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I
> went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There
> was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and
> she could see that I was new at it.
>
> She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear
> one. I honestly answered, 'No, this is my first
> time.' So she unwrapped the package, took one out and
> slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it
> was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused.
> So she looked all around the store to see if it was empty.
> It was empty.
>
> ' Just a minute,' she said, and walked to the door,
> and locked it.
>
> Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned
> her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it
> aside. 'Do these excite you?' She asked. Well, I was
> so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then
> said it was time to slip the condom on.
>
> As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her
> panties and lay down on a desk. 'Well, come on', she
> said, 'We don't have much time.'
>
> So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that
> unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW, I was
> done within a few minutes.
>
> She looked at me with a bit of a frown. 'Did you put
> that condom on?' she asked.
>
> I said, 'I sure did,' and held up my thumb to show
> her.
>
> She fainted.
*shakes head walking away*
> hope for you.
>
> Two little boys in first grade were chosen to be the
> leads in their first school play. It was to be a
> Shakespearean play. The first little boy was
> to say, 'My fair maiden, I have come to snatch a
> kiss and fill your soul with hope.'
>
> The second little boy was to reply by saying,
> 'Hark, a pistol shot!'
>
> On opening night in the school auditorium, the two
> little boys were a bit nervous, knowing that all the seats
> were going to be filled with grown-ups. The teacher told
> them to take their places on the stage and to remember to
> speak very, very loud as soon as the curtain goes up. The
> curtain rose and looking out upon the audience the two boys
> were terrified. They stood there frozen. The teacher
> whispered for them to begin.
>
> Jacob yelled out these unforgettable words, 'My
> fair maiden, I have come to kiss your snatch! And fill your
> hole with soap.'
>
> Zachary screams out....'Hark! A shistol pot, a
> postle shiss, a pot of shit, horse shit, this is bull shit!
> I never wanted to be in this lousy play anyway!'
>
> The audience left howling!!!
I needed it!
> who was now living in the United States, and said:
> 'Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated,
> and I see the end of all flesh before me.
> Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a
> few good
> humans.'
>
> He gave Noah the blueprints, saying:
> 'You have six months to build the Ark
> before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.'
>
>
> Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his
> yard -
> but no Ark.
> 'Noah!' He roared, 'I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?'
> 'Forgive me, Lord,' begged Noah, 'but things have changed.
>
>
> I needed a building permit.
>
>
> I've been arguing with the inspector
> about the need for a sprinkler system.
>
>
> My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws
> by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations.
> We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.
>
>
> Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted
> for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead
> obstructions,
> to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea.
> I told them that the sea would be coming to us,
> but they would hear nothing of it.
>
>
> Getting the wood was another problem.
> There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl.
> I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to
> save the
> owls -
> but no go!
>
> When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me.
> They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will.
> They argued the accommodations were too restrictive,
> and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined
> space.
>
> Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark
> until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your
> proposed flood.
>
> I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights
> Commission
> on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
>
>
> Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status
> of most of the people who want to work.
>
>
> The trade unions say I can't use my sons.
> They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building
> experience.
>
>
> To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets,
> claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered
> species.
>
>
> So, forgive me, Lord,
> but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.'
>
>
> Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine,
> and a rainbow stretched across the sky.
>
>
> Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
> 'You mean you're not going to destroy the world?'
>
>
> 'No,' said the Lord.
> 'The government beat me to it.'
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweat pants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
and my favoriteone :
13. Potential Murder Suspect
Forward this information to all of your hormonal friends and those who might need a good laugh...
and men who need a warning.