I know this is the typical answer that you probably don't want to hear but perhaps couples counseling? Maybe a weekend retreat for couples?
How about a romantic getaway just to re-cindle the magic?
I really don't know what else to say. I haven't really ever been in this exact situation. But I have been in something similiar and I know that talking alot helped our relationship. Telling one another true details of how the other if feeling and what they want thier partner to do to try and make things better (and vice versa).
Good luck sweetie..sorry I wasn't much help.

Just my opinion, but I don't think you got much to work with as long as he's getting high. If ya got any feelings for him, put a stop to the drug use.

Is he serious about wanting to beat the addiction, do you think?

I've lived with an alcoholic, so I know how frustrating it is when everything has to revolve around where the next drink is coming from. Doesn't matter whether it's a legal or an illegal addiction, that's still no way to live!

There's nothing you can do to make him come off drugs - it's something he has to want to do for himself. If he's serious about going to rehab and counselling, or whatever it takes for him to sort himself out, then all you can do is wait to see what kind of man comes out the other side of that process.

But if he's only making excuses and putting off actually taking those steps to get clean, then sorry to be blunt but you're not in a relationship with a man, you're just romantically involved with an addiction.

It also sounds to me as though you really want to be able to forgive him, but maybe you're still not ready to start trusting him again.
Maybe you need to ask yourself what changes you need to see before you'll feel like opening up to him again - and then you need to figure out what the likelihood is of that happening.

Sorry I don't have any better news for you - but honestly, unless he's really serious about getting his life together, how much of your life do you want to waste on waiting?

thanks for all your replies/suggestions...
thats what i like about this site...i get different opinions and suggestions that make me really think....

i know we seriously need to talk more...there are alot of things that have just gone unsaid between us...as for his addiction...i think he really does want to stay sober...it's just that he wants to do it on his own...and it's clear that he can't...he does good for up to a year...but as soon as the stress of life gets to him he relapses...and ends up hurting me the most...
as far as trusting him...yeah that is a big issue right now...i trust the man i fell in love with, but i don't trust the addicts

As a person who has dealt with drug addiction firsthand, i will have to tell you that your partner probably will have a really hard time trying to stop on his own. He will either eventually get sick of being sick and tired or he will just continue on the same path. Addiction is unfortunately a very selfish disease and the best thing you can do for him and yourself is to be supportive but do not try and solve his problems for him. That is quite easy to do, to try and "fix" him. As Phoenix stated, he has to want it.

Build a support network for yourself, to get some objective perspective because you may easily get sucked up into his energy. I send you strength ...

I think that the advice these people here has given you is extremely right on the nose.

a really big heart to heart conversation where everything is brought up respecftfully and without anger so you both stay in the conversation. Agree to that and that you don't get up until all has been laid out in the open to each other.

My H and I have been emotionally distant for over a year because of something similar but not the same thing. I think talking and honesty are the most important things to rebuilding. If you can handle what he honestly has to say and not judge him for how he is feeling and if he can honestly tell you what is going on and what is in his heart and mind and let you feel it's genuine, you can start trusting him again. With trust comes confidence and with confidence comes love. Good luck to you...you said you think he really wants to beat the addiction so hopefully you can be there for him and he can really appreciate you for it.