I have been in your position...all I can do is empathize......I know it's hard..

i am in ur position and i want to say fuck u i'm gone but i can't. i have no place to go

Not really sure what the best answer is. Maybe it should not be so easy for him to have it on his turns. Why does he get it whenever he wants, but you don't? Wonder how he would feel if next time he happens to be in the mood, you are not so willing to just let him "take it".

this is JMO, but it sounds like he wants a mom and not a wife...there's only so far you can meet without him taking a step too...

men like that don't deserve good women....

and that's all i have to say about it..it only gets worse from here...sorry....

Ha, no this feeling all to well.
Trophy Wife, sex slave and just plain used.
My hubby is more the do this, get that, give me attention sort of guy. Starting to wonder If I want this anymore.
Im not strong enough yet to change my situation but I plan to soon. Everyone deserves respect. Maybe its time you demanded it. Good luck in all respects.

hey ya know, you have a life too If he doesnt want to be a part of what your in to thats fine. live your life as well, you don't have to leave of break up just develope other intrest. Once he sees you not waiting and worring about what he's not doing he may rethink his postion.

wow guys, thanks for all the reply's...

i still don't know what do...

the only thing i do know...

is that my relationship is falling apart day by day and it just hurts so bad....

-DR-

Hey D. I know to many women in that boat with you. And dare I say this, I have been that man, like your partner. So maybe I can give you something that will help, I don't know.
One thing I do know, is that the only person you can change is you. Nothing you say or do to or for him will change him. But I do believe that if you change, it will affect him. Humans are like pipes joined together. Move, bend, one and they all have to bend, shift, change with us.
I know, what do you change about yourself that will make him want you with some passion??? I have learnt some things with my friends here on DS and elsewhere. Things about myself. So I'll share them. I have learnt that anti depressants take away my libido. I have learnt that not exercising reduces my libido. Smoking which I took up about a month ago reduces my libido. Just some chemical things to consider about him.
But I have also learnt that intimacy and stimulation is not what happens in the bedroom. I think the bedroom is the final result. Talking to female friends on DS and text messages during the day I have found to be at times very sexually stimulating. But not just talking about sex, talking about the little stuff, the here and now stuff like, what she is waring, cooking, thinking, feeling, her aspirations for the day, the year. Communication I think, now, is the secret to good sex. I tried starting this with my wife when we were still together but she pretty much rejected it out of hand. Seemed everyone and everything else was to important. So we are divorcing after 20 years. I learnt this to late to save that marriage. I have been out in the strangest places texting a friend when we started to get a little sexual, just fun talk. And I was very stimulated. Had we been a real couple I would have gone home to her and made woopy. It was like making love for hours. And it felt great. But we never started talking about sex. Just the daily shit. I think it is the fact that someone is there, and is thinking about me, that I missed the most with my wife. And probably her me. We had some major personality issues as well but I wont go into that.
All I am suggesting is if you can, maybe try to find a way, email, txt, phone, that you can have intimacy with your partner during the day without touch. It works for me and I am going to do this with my next partner. I love it. In fact I will have it with her before we ever actually have sex because I want to know we are sexually compatible and open. For me, now, honesty is the most important virtue I am looking for in a partner.
I hope that helps in some way. Happy to chat in private if you wish.

good morning guys...i had a really rough day yesterday and last night....in terms of my fiance' and our relationship....

Lucilu - thanks...

latingodis - maybe you can get the courage to leave and i can get the courage to kick him out..

Batdog - good point...by the time he gets around to taking it, i'm so freaking horny, that i can't say no...but a couple of weeks ago, he got frisky at the wrong time of the month, and i did reject him, about 5 times...well he just went on as if nothing happened and like it didn't really matter to him...for some reason, the rejection doesn't affect him the way it does me...?

kit3...wow, i had never thought of that...i read a book one time that said men don't want a wife that reminds of their mother...but maybe he does want a mom?...he's the baby of a big family, and his mom died about 10 years ago...the only thing he's really said about it, is that it's the hardest thing he has ever had to go through....he's really, really hard to deal with on Valentine's Day (because that was his mom's birthday) and on Mother's Day....and one time i asked him when the anniversary of her death was, and he said he couldn't remember...but just the question brought tears to his eyes, and shut him down completely for a few mins...when i asked him what was wrong...he told me he was trying to get the picture of his mom out of his mind...AND...you know what i just realized?...it's every year during these months (feb, may, and dec), that he has caused me the greatest pain and his drinking increases...wow...i'm starting to feel bad for him now...but it's really like a little pattern for him...

Credence - thanks, i think your right...in 2009 i'm going to demand the respect that i deserve...and not only from him, but everyone else too...


Kat250 - i think you're right too, i can only control myself...i realized that back in 2003 when the first of our problems started, and i wrote him a letter telling him that i was letting him go work on hisself, while i worked on myself, so we could come back together stronger...and we did...it was painful for me, but we did it...i think i'm going to do it again...Lord knows i have a lot of things to work on for myself...thanks....

Rawprawn -
WOW...thank you so much for your reply...
you've given me a lot to think about...from a man's point of view...AND...you sound just like my fiance...WOW...

let me see...ok...he's not on antidepressants, BUT, he doesn't exercise, and he does smoke...and his smoking and drinking have seriously increased over the last 3 months...as for COMMUNICATION...well again you sound just like him...our relationship started with me taking him home from work and us just sitting in a parking lot talking about anything and everything...then after doing that a couple of times, we would go sit in the parking lot and talk, and then we'd go to a motel and have mindblowing, intense, lovemaking...our relationship grew, because we used to go do laundry together on Saturdays...and of course we just talked....but now...lately...we don't talk..at all...we rode to his job today in COMPLETE UTTER SILENCE...except for the radio...i told him the other day, when we had a little fight, that i remember talking to him all night long when he worked nights...now those are just distant memories of the way things used to be...yes...I miss that so much...and i think maybe deep down inside he does too, i don't know...but i do know that i do...and i also know that i contributed to this communication breakdown...because i am a very shy, reserved person who doesn't like to talk to much...he often asks me, when i ask him why he didn't call me, well why didn't you call me...and the only thing i say is that it's because i don't like to call people...but that's something that i need to change...at least when it comes to him...i'm not good at talking but i can write (as you can see by the length of this post) so i'm going to take your advice and slowly start communicating with him by 'text'...thanks again, Rawprawn.... :)

and thanks to all of You, you have all opened my eyes to something that i would have missed if i hadn't asked for help...


THANK YOU

-DepressedRecluse-