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I'd like your opinions about a recent situation I've been dealing with. It's not nearly as serious as many discussed here, but I am still in the process of learning to be a bit bolder with people when necessary. But I really believe it's important to pick my battles wisely too....
I am in a bowling league. A new lady (I'll call her Patti) joined our team last year. She seems like a great person really, but I don't know her on a very personal level. Her husband almost always joins her on league day.
They always arrive and hour or so early. When our other teammate and I would get there, Patti usually had already bought fountain drinks for us.
A few months ago, we accidentally discovered that her locker key also fits my locker (which I share with the other teammate). So after that, we would arrive to find that Patti and/or her husband had got our bowling bags out, put our balls on the rack, and laid our bowling shoes out on the table.
My friend and I both started feeling that they were going a bit too far, getting into our personal stuff, in the name of being "nice" or "helpful", but didn't say anything.
This last Wednesday, after I had bowled a few frames, Patti said "If your ball seems different, it's because I got it cleaned and polished for you." She had done the same for the other teammate.
That felt like a last straw for me! Seriously getting weird, intrusive! I never gave permission for them to get into my locker or personal bowling bag! But I didn't mention it when it happened the first time- my fault. The only reason I didn't say something Wed, is because next week is our final day for this league. Then they are moving to another state.
Am I making a big deal out of nothing?
I am in a bowling league. A new lady (I'll call her Patti) joined our team last year. She seems like a great person really, but I don't know her on a very personal level. Her husband almost always joins her on league day.
They always arrive and hour or so early. When our other teammate and I would get there, Patti usually had already bought fountain drinks for us.
A few months ago, we accidentally discovered that her locker key also fits my locker (which I share with the other teammate). So after that, we would arrive to find that Patti and/or her husband had got our bowling bags out, put our balls on the rack, and laid our bowling shoes out on the table.
My friend and I both started feeling that they were going a bit too far, getting into our personal stuff, in the name of being "nice" or "helpful", but didn't say anything.
This last Wednesday, after I had bowled a few frames, Patti said "If your ball seems different, it's because I got it cleaned and polished for you." She had done the same for the other teammate.
That felt like a last straw for me! Seriously getting weird, intrusive! I never gave permission for them to get into my locker or personal bowling bag! But I didn't mention it when it happened the first time- my fault. The only reason I didn't say something Wed, is because next week is our final day for this league. Then they are moving to another state.
Am I making a big deal out of nothing?
But since it is almost over you can just be rid of them.
Not sue what I'd do... I typically don't leave private stuff in my locker. I might even forget to lock it up some of the time...but I'd be ticked if I found out someone else was rummaging through it (told me they polished my ball!!).
Maybe be prepared to have a statement, if it happens next week, that it's not ok. And if they ignore it again, the following week, report it to the bowling league. Some (if not most) people might just go straight to reporting it to the league.
But, like OTM says, since it's almost over and they will then move onto another state, I'm not sure if a confrontation will solve anything. Unless you will have to bowl with them again in the future? If that's the case, personally, if it were me, I'd wait until I saw them next so as to not make this last week tense. But I have issues with establishing boundaries with people so I may not be the best person to ask.
I wonder...could the bowling alley assign you a new locker or is that more hassle than it's worth? I definitely wouldn't be cool knowing they get there so much earlier and have access to my things. Thank goodness you are almost done. But I do not think you are making a big deal out of it. That is super weird.
(((HUGS))) I hope it's over for you soon and you don't have to deal with this again.
I'm really an easygoing person, can allow for people's differences! But it's not like we are lifelong best buds. It has been so odd!
Good luck!
As Onmymind says tell them in a nice way that you appreciate they are trying to be so kind, but you would prefer if they would leave your things alone. or something alone those lines.
Probably leave it alone just because I don't like confrontations unless I have no other options..
I agree, she crossed the boundaries.
There is no way to reason with people like this, they can't see it as infringing on someone else's personal space. If they did, they wouldn't have done it.
I have always had boundary issues (lack of), and have been "too nice" in many situations in life. I have worked very hard at learning to be healthier in all this. I still hate to hurt anyone's feelings, it bugs me. But more than ever, it bugs me when people assume that some things are acceptable, without at least asking me first!
So as you can see, this minor situation has touched on a nerve for me, regarding my old personal baggage. That's why I felt unsure if I was seeing their lack of respect accurately, or if I was just being too defensive.
I appreciate how you all understand my dilemma.
I will let it go, but I've already learned from this situation!
They are both guilty of invading your privacy, and that is a moral crime to say the very least. If it had been me though I would have made an issue of it the moment it became one.
I was just typing about you in RedHeadedDiva's thread!
I don't think you should confront. I would probably change my lock so that they couldn't get in, but I think it's always best to change what WE are doing to allow people to irk us, instead of confronting them and asking them to change their behavior.
Most of the time we can take steps to prevent them from doing what they are doing.
It sort of applies to almost everything!
Your post, Red headed Diva's post. and even patterned skys post about her irksome housemate.
I think giving advice has given me a breakthrough!!
It's not about making other people behave the way WE want them to, it's about putting boundaries in place that require US to take the action to keep people from irking us!
Wow! I love this place!