Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
ok. i've been extremely reluctant to share my trust issues with you guys but i really need help.
i've been with this amazing girl for 1.5 years. we met in new york and i currently live with her now, (had my own place but lost my job so she took me in.)
I HAVE TRUST ISSUES. right now i'm back home in LA and she's in puerto rico visiting family. but my insecurities are pretty much the only reasons why we fight in our relationship.
first off, we're a young lesbian couple. i'm 23, she's 21. i stopped drinking 4.5 months ago (currently a recovering alcoholic/addict) and have been working a great program.
aside from my alcoholism, my trust issues are tearing me apart inside.
i wonder where she goes, who her new Facebook buddies are, who texts her, and if she is really telling me the truth at times.
i checked her Facebook messages yesterday and started an argument with her yesterday because i accused her of flirting with a girl she'll meet up with tomorrow.
i check her history on her computer regularly because i worry she's been scamming on other girls' profiles.
i freak out when i feel she stares at other women.
i know it SOUNDS MESSED UP, but i had to let this out.
i am aware that my childhood was not the best. i'm well informed that most of these insecurities arise from traumatic upbringings. yes, i know. but how do i fix it?
how do i fix the internal issues?
i have NO REASON to not trust her. she's the most loyal, faithful, loving girlfriend i have ever had. she's supportive of my sobriety, has stopped drinking socially for me, and is always there to hug me in time of need.
therapy would probably be best right? because obviously the problem is more than trust.
*disclaimer* save yourselves from non-productive responses. i reached out for positive help, not unhappy and miserable people to bring me down with them. **
thank you
i've been with this amazing girl for 1.5 years. we met in new york and i currently live with her now, (had my own place but lost my job so she took me in.)
I HAVE TRUST ISSUES. right now i'm back home in LA and she's in puerto rico visiting family. but my insecurities are pretty much the only reasons why we fight in our relationship.
first off, we're a young lesbian couple. i'm 23, she's 21. i stopped drinking 4.5 months ago (currently a recovering alcoholic/addict) and have been working a great program.
aside from my alcoholism, my trust issues are tearing me apart inside.
i wonder where she goes, who her new Facebook buddies are, who texts her, and if she is really telling me the truth at times.
i checked her Facebook messages yesterday and started an argument with her yesterday because i accused her of flirting with a girl she'll meet up with tomorrow.
i check her history on her computer regularly because i worry she's been scamming on other girls' profiles.
i freak out when i feel she stares at other women.
i know it SOUNDS MESSED UP, but i had to let this out.
i am aware that my childhood was not the best. i'm well informed that most of these insecurities arise from traumatic upbringings. yes, i know. but how do i fix it?
how do i fix the internal issues?
i have NO REASON to not trust her. she's the most loyal, faithful, loving girlfriend i have ever had. she's supportive of my sobriety, has stopped drinking socially for me, and is always there to hug me in time of need.
therapy would probably be best right? because obviously the problem is more than trust.
*disclaimer* save yourselves from non-productive responses. i reached out for positive help, not unhappy and miserable people to bring me down with them. **
thank you
Well my dear...my advice to u is to stop...it is unwarranted and will only push her away. Sounds easier said than done I know...it took years for me to drop the bs. Now we have been together for 11 years and going strong. I had a terrible childhood so that didn't help. Still to this day I have to swallow down some crazy when I see a coworker talking to him or something stupid. (We work together)
I realized it was me not him that was causing drama. That he thought it was unattractive for me to be so insecure. It hurt his feelings that I would think he was capable of doing such things. Once I started to see his side of my attacks I realized I was wrong...the last thing I wanted to do was hurt him...but I was so afraid of getting hurt myself that I found myself sabotaging our relationship. Always thinking the worse in someone is terrible...especially in someone u love. Every single time I acted a fool I was basically telling him u don't trust u and u don't love me. Poor guy put up with my shit for years...one day he really made me think...he said "why would u compare me to ur exes?" I was like...I'm not! I would never do that! He was like "I'm not them...I have not cheated on you..I am better than that. Please don't push what they did to u onto me" I felt like an ass lol.
I realized that if I truly loved him u had to dive in all the way...drop my baggage at the door and leave myself wide open to that beautiful/scary thing called love. He was definately worth the risk of getting hurt! I made sure that I always gave him the benefit of the doubt and always will. He is my better half and I will always be in his corner rooting him on thru life. Not only is he my lover, but he is my bestfriend and I thank my lucky stars I found him!
Good luck hon...sounds like u really care for this girl...start showing her by trusting her.
Mona