Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
Isn't this supposed to be FUN? I for one have been told recently by a woman I know that I'm "too deep". Probably true. Seems to me the task is creating a "tone" that is very loving, but also very fun, very creative, very inventive...
So is the task to constantly be reinventing ourselves, and inspiring the one we're with to do the same, so it doesn't stagnate and sink into antagonism, which, from the posts in this board, seems to be happening here?
Granted, people don't come to a support board when things are honky-dorey; they only come here when things AREN'T working. Like the dating sites, it'd be nice to hear more SUCCESS stories, you know, sense of humor is important, a certain attitude of flexibility, keeping it sexy, always making time for "date nights", with no kids and no responsibilities, where the two of you can simply relax and luxuriate in each other, like you USED to...
So is the task to constantly be reinventing ourselves, and inspiring the one we're with to do the same, so it doesn't stagnate and sink into antagonism, which, from the posts in this board, seems to be happening here?
Granted, people don't come to a support board when things are honky-dorey; they only come here when things AREN'T working. Like the dating sites, it'd be nice to hear more SUCCESS stories, you know, sense of humor is important, a certain attitude of flexibility, keeping it sexy, always making time for "date nights", with no kids and no responsibilities, where the two of you can simply relax and luxuriate in each other, like you USED to...
Because, I think all humans were made for having relationships with each other. I don't think all people thrive as well in isolation. Although, some people certainly do.
"Isn't this supposed to be FUN?"
Well, yes and no. It is supposed to be enjoyable overall. There will always be good and bad days, I think. But the overall joy should be coming from the fact that together a couple can work through the bad days together thus enhancing the beauty of the good days. JMHO - doesn't mean what I say is true that's for certain.
"been told recently by a woman I know that I'm 'too deep'."
Wow, seriously, koolman. I'm just glad to have an intelligent conversation with someone. I don't care whether the someone is man or woman. I appreciate intelligence and thought. I think alot of women around here appreciate what you have to say as well.
"So is the task to constantly be reinventing ourself and inspiring the wone we're with to do the same . . . "
No, I don't think so. I think the task is to enjoy who you are and grow as a person. Finding new hobbies and interests doesn't necessarily have to change the basic personality or being of an individual. Finding new interests and hobbies is fun though. It becomes something that you can share with your loved one through stories or taking your loved one with you.
"Like the dating sites, it'd be nice to hear more SUCCESS stories . . ."
Success in marriages and relationships are defined differently by each and every couple. For example, I know of 2 couples - A and B.
Couple A: The husband doesn't pay attention to the children. He has lost the sickly child once already that I am aware of. He yells at the children to not touch his tools etc. He doesn't clean the home nor do the yard work. He recently found employment so that he can now contribute to the home financially.
The wife of Couple A feels they have a good marriage and aren't divorced. I have almost called CPS to investigate the negligence of the husband for Couple A. Also, the police were helping them find the missing child who decided to go out and about.
Couple B: Husband doesn't watch the children. The youngest child was recently noticed outside my home talking to my dog. Granted the older sibling 8years old was supposed to be watching the 2 year old.
When 2year old returned to husband B, he became upset with the 8year old. Mind you husband B didn't put down his computer to take 2year old from my arms. He reached for child with one arm and held onto computer with the other.
Husband B now in the midst of divorce. Probably from negligence due to neighbors having to watch his children while his wife is at work. Wife B felt marriage not successful.
So in the end, a successful marriage is interpreted by the participants only.
"So in the end, a successful marriage is interpreted by the participants only."
Then why are people here bitching about their relationships and looking for outside opinions?
Relationships produce a wide range of emotions. It's better to try to sort out which emotions are necessary and which ones are not.
Sometimes anger can be a healthy emotion and it does need to be voiced correctly. This can be hard to do. Sometimes it's better to take the necessary time to sort through all the emotions before voicing them.
And then on other occassions a different view point can put a touchy topic in a completely different light. Enlightment can come from others and what was once painful, is no more.
Hope this helps.
On another note, you are a very goodlooking man. I know that you say you haven't found that Mrs. Right, but I wonder if you may have over looked her once or twice? Again you are a very handsome man. I wish you all the best in your life and love.
whisp
I'm trying not to overlook anybody anymore, and take EVERY woman I meet as a potentially serious mate. But I'm trying not to get TOO DEEP either (which I was recently accused of, by a fairly shallow, blase younger woman), because, I admit, it kills the warm, loving vibe and the potential for fun (!).
BALANCE...
More often than not, people complain about their relationships not being good because they don't like who they are or don't like that the person they are with has changed. If people were honest with themselves and with each other it would eliminate a lot of this stuff. Be yourself. Be happy with who you are. Know what you want in a relationship well BEFORE you get into a relationship so that you are not trying to change someone into what you want .... find those qualities in the person.