Healthy Relationships Support Group
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It's time to dump them. I just had a blow-out with a buddy of mine who was becoming a bit too clingy and demanding for my taste. He just experienced a death in his family, and I tried to be supportive, but I found him becoming more needy and demanding of my time, which is scarce. When he asked "where are you now?" and I told him, then followed it up with "Why? What do you need?", he got pissed and offended, because he simply wanted to tell me, if I were near a Target, DJango Unchained is on sale for $14.95. I tried to back-pedal and apologize, thanking him for the information, then explaining I don't have any money right now for entertainment nor have time to watch the movie, because I'm working all the fucking time and it's pissing me off. Never mind, he was offended and told me how much my question "What do you need?", as if to say "What do you need NOW?" pissed him off. I told him "Well, you haven't been the easiest person to deal with either" and "Maybe we should take a break here". He said "no problem" and we left it at that.
Oh well. I've been questioning the healthiness and the validity of this "friendship" ever since it began. I don't need constant attention...and he does. I like to exercise. He says he does...but doesn't. A two-block walk to a McDonald's to get himself lunch is a problem for him. He has a bum knee, but I think he's just lazy. He's an Atheist, I'm spiritual without subscribing to any religious affiliation. I do believe in a God. I don't think we're really very compatible. Maybe it is time we called it splitsville. It's miserable, but maybe it's for the best.
Anyhow, just had to share. Any insights are welcome.
Oh well. I've been questioning the healthiness and the validity of this "friendship" ever since it began. I don't need constant attention...and he does. I like to exercise. He says he does...but doesn't. A two-block walk to a McDonald's to get himself lunch is a problem for him. He has a bum knee, but I think he's just lazy. He's an Atheist, I'm spiritual without subscribing to any religious affiliation. I do believe in a God. I don't think we're really very compatible. Maybe it is time we called it splitsville. It's miserable, but maybe it's for the best.
Anyhow, just had to share. Any insights are welcome.
Idk.. I guess some people have this personality that when things get rough they sulk even more than they were before.
Again.. It all comes down to some people needing OTHER people to be the source of their well being. Friends, like relationship SOs, are there to enhance our lives not be the whole source of engertainment and ego-boosting. Only in a child-parent relationship this kind of thing is acceptable because children do not know how to be self sufficient emotionally and we teach them.
I think it is not so much that he likes different things .. I am pretty much an atheist but i have deeply religious friends and we get alkng great because we have mutual respect for each other's beliefs.
He is just a needy person and it is annoying
Obviously it reached a really confrontational point.
I would lay low and let it be.
If the time comes when you miss his company and you find yourself missing the relationship, call him up and apologize.
If you don't want the relationship, that's cool too.
If I simply apologize, I condone his manipulative, critical superiority complex behavior and he'll be right back at it in no time. I had to tell him how irritating and suffocating he can be.
Thanks, but no, I'm gonna let this one go, focus on nurturing some other friendships that are a bit more harmonious and where communication comes easier. He's the one who contacted me after 15 years, a marriage and a divorce. I didn't contact him, because I remembered how difficult he can be, and we weren't that great 15 years ago, so I kinda begrudgingly let him back into my life recently.
Part of me is sad and pissed off this didn't work out...and part of me is relieved and enjoying the freedom! A great weight has just been lifted off my chest!
Thanks.
Before our argument, I told him maybe he was somehow psychically aware that her time here was short, and I told him I thought he should feel good about reconnecting with her right before she passed away, so she passed on in peace, without any "unfinished business"!
I think, because he's an Aetheist, doesn't see anything beyond this world, and considers himself a demon actually, he's understandably terrified of death. As a result, he's understandably nervous, doesn't like to go too deep, and steeps himself only in entertainment and the physical pleasures of this world, which I think is a glass half-full, half-empty, trite, somewhat limiting existence.
We all fear what we can't control, and we can't control death! For a control-freak like him who tries to control every nuance of this physical world, the notion of death is understandably extremely unsettling to him! I wish him well, I really do, and I hope he comes to adopt some form of spirituality, because every departure from this Earrh of someone he knew acutely reminds him of his own mortality!