Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
My husband and i have been together fo 10 years married for 5 and it seems like all we are good at is fighting. We fight over everything. And moments that we are suppose to be happy we fight for an example when i was pregnant we went and registered and we fought the whole time and ended up leaving without finishing. For his 23rd birthday i surprised him with a kid free trip to NYC and we fought the whole first day. Even if we just go out to dinner or have a dat night we will fight and i honestly ont even know why we are fighting. I am just so tiredof fighting! im tired of feeling like i dot have a partner that loves me or cares as i do. We have two children 2& 8months and he didnt even go to 1 doctor appointment with me for are second child. Not that i ever made him but i dont want to tell him to come i want him to want to. I dont feel like he shares the parenting resonsibilites with me either. I cook, clean, and take of the kids, go to school full time and he goes to work and plays call of duty!!! i get so angry that he cant help out around the house if i ask him to he says i will later quit bitching but i get up in the morning and nothing was done. He also never gets up with the kids. I get up every morning with them an he sleeps in till 10am sometimes later, because he complains when i wake him up. When are son was a baby and would get up in the middle of the night i would roll over and ask my husband to get him and he would yell and turnover and let the baby cry so i would always get up. I am sick of feeling like a single mother when he is right there capable of helping me. I dont know what to do. I cant take living like this.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
It sounds like you can't communicate effectively with one another....
This is going to have a profound impact on your children if it continues
You both owe them more then continual fighting so I would do all that I could in order to try and make things better for all of you
I would seek some counseling for sure.... if you can't afford it and have a faith I would look for some council through your faith.... This is no good for any of you.... Big hug...... I wish you well...xo
Somehow you have taken charge of everything and as a result he is like a lazy assistant, not the head of the household.
How do you think this has happened? Was it always this way?
I found that in my own marriage a made the mistake of taking on all the tasks because I felt I could donthem better. Instead of letting try and fail, I did it all if he couldn't or wouldn't. I wanted everything my way, the right way and eventually my husband didn't show any initiative to lead when it came to parenting and household.
I m not blaming you at all, I m just looking at the situation with a different set of eye and wondering why he took the back seat.
What are your work schedules like ? Do you have sex on regular basis ? Do you have activities you do together other than taking care of the kids ?
This is a very tough period of marriage, when kids are small, and everything you do now matters because when the kids are grown, and it will happen very fast, there will be you 2 alone and this is when people realize that they grew apart , because they didn't nurture their marriage... either only 1 person tried or both gave up long ago.
Hugs
Many years later, when I was about to divorce my husband, our counselor said : " in the marriage, your relationship has to come first before all - work, kids, friends". To me, this was a foreign concept. I was focused on being a parent. How can you shove the kids aside? And my career?
After some time, I understood that the counselor was right. We lost each other because we didn't nurture us.
Your husband doesn't want to get up because he is just not into the whole family life.
There is no motivation for him to do anything because it is nothing but a chore. Life is a set of chores and exhaustion. He is playing video games so he can check-out of his misery.
He probably doesn't even have an insight into his own feelings.
You, of course, are very mature and insightful and think about this stuff.
Basically, my thought is that you have to do whatever it takes to make time for you and your husband on regular basis.
Every 2 weeks you have to leave the house , spend time together and not talk about kids, problems, work . Get people to watch your kids and make time for sex.
It has to come first. You may not feel like doing it, but at least try naked time... massages, cuddling... something.
It should not be this hard, but if you want to save your marriage, you must try.
Your husband may be uninterested at first, but eventually he will get used to it and start looking forward to it.
It is extremely difficult to carve time for this, but it is the only way to ensure your children will grow up in a 2 parent household.
Good luck and hugs