Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
I was married for 20 years to an emotionally unavailable man. I divorced him 5 years ago. I dated another man for 4 years. He turned out to be an angry, controlling, abusive, lazy, taker, entitled, selfish, codependent & financially irresponsible drunk. We broke up about 7 months ago. Even though I loved him with all of my heart & soul the break up was the best thing for me. Recently, I met a man who treats me like a queen & we get along so well & we have so much to talk about & so much fun. We have the deepest conversations & I feel very bonded to him, which is mutual. Everything flows so peacefully & lovingly between us & he told me that he loves me. He is right in every way & I can't see my life without him, but I do not want to have sex with him. Is it possible to be in love & not want to be that intimate with a person?
Not wanting to have sex with my partner would not be normal at all for me and I wouldn't stay in a relationship if my partner didn't want to have sex with me.
Why is it you don't want to have sex with him? Is it you're not attracted to him sexually, do you have a very low libido, no interest in sex, do you have sexual issues either physically and/or emotionally?
My thoughts have posed similar questions for myself.
My previous relationships were similar to yours.
I have been dating someone for awhile now. It seems like the healthiest relationship I've been in except that the sexual attraction is not there for me and we do not see each other often. Maybe one -two times a week.
He used to be a very sexual person. But with added stress and health issues, he has zero libido. We talk about it openly. He is just as upset as I am. He has gone through a series of tests and treatments, nothing that was free of pain has helped. His level of affection has never changed.
I know it's not "normal," but it is not terrible, either. With each of our crazy lives, we have a nice companionship. So I leave it as is, not worrying about the relationship being right or wrong or normal, at least for now.
"In love" but don't want to have sex with him? Oohh...death where is thy sting? That's an ego-shattering, heart-breaking situation...FOR HIM, if he loves YOU and is attracted TO YOU physically. Is he really that ugly or otherwise repulsive?
If he feels the same about you as you do about him, I'd say yes it's absolutely possible to be in love and not having sex...it's called FRIENDSHIP. Friendship is OK, as long as neither of you gets horny. If you do get horny, you're both going to have to self-pleasure, seek others, or, God forbid, submit to this man you apparently find physically repulsive.