Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
A good friend did recently ask me what I am looking for in a man. Honestly, I have come to discover some things that I never did have with nsetbx. (That list is LENGTHY!) Also from many I have shared with, I would come to realize that much of what I hoped for should not be so unrealistic.
I want someone who is compassionate and not afraid to reach out and help someone who is in need of help or guidance. (Me included , haha)... and actually would not be upset with me for doing the same.
I need to find someone who accepts me just as I am.Someone who will listen and allow me to share anything that is on my mind....good, bad, and naughty too. (and he will do the same with me) We may not agree on everything, but will not judge or try to conform the other to our way of thinking.
Someone who is strong, assured and independent. Someone that I can turn to for advice and help if I struggle with a problem. (I am so very tired of trying to deal with everything all alone)
Someone who is attracted to me. I am painfully aware of how much importance there is on looks. Not being a raving beauty, I try like hell to look beyond the outer shell and get to know others both inside and out. (I am happy to discover there are some men who do think the same way) I can just as easily fall for a gorgeous smile and devilish twinkle in someone's eyes as i discover more qualities he may have that I admire. For me (and hopefully him) it is not all about the boobs, butt, or the size of his package. lol (excuse my bluntness please.)
I need to find someone who wants to spend time with me. (and not just for a quick boink here or there) I am not talking joined at the hip. We both need time and space to unwind and do our own thing.... but someone who may give a hand fixing dinner sometimes. I want to be able to sit down and share dinners and a bit of conversation . (With stbx, he is often "not hungry" or even awake when dinner is ready ... so I fix him a platter and the dog and I have dinner by ourselves)
I really do love to cook , like to try to keep a tidy house (but will be lived in. I do not think I can survive with someone with OCD...lol) and don't even mind laundry. That being said, I have learned that men who are divorced or have been on their own forever are used to doing all that for themselves. I am hoping to find someone willing to share some of the load with me.
I have craved and missed affection and just a simple touch for so long. I need someone who is affectionate, passionate and does want and need that part of his life back as well. (I cannot go into details on this one as my thoughts may be censored and I would be booted off DS. Suffice to say, I am glad I have my imagination .....that may be all I get. lol)
I am a firm believer that two people who do truly love each other should both work together making things easier and better ...... and each other a better person. (In my current marriage, I feel more tugging, confrontation, and obstacles in my way making it more difficult forme to do as I want and need to do. definitely f**ed up)
It is that for us too though. We need to feel like our SO s do find us attractive, sexy and desirable. We want to feel hands. lips,.... all over us and we want to do those very same things to you men (OK, maybe I should speak for myself or the majority here) I don't expect constant cuddling or being joined at the hip for entire days time...... but i hope for more than an occasional boink here or there.... Then no contact til another occasion does arise (no pun intended)
Your mention of being unable to share all. That is a very big issue for me as well There have been one or two who have actually allowed (and encouraged ) me to open up and say and think of anything on my mind. Between us, that was a great thing to be able to share all our thoughts, wants and desires. The thing is, there may be something we both don't agree on, but we don't judge or try to conform the other to our way of thinking. On the flip side, hearing of ones desires may stimulate the curiosity in the other (never bringing it up never brings the opportunity to light. You said that yourself)
Thinking I shouldn't settle for that again. Although, on the other hand, it occurs to me that I crave that attention, passion and affection and want to experience it so badly.... I could easily be swayed to use another man for the same thing. So, in essence it would be beneficial to both.
In this day and age though, I feel I am to come complete with "dental dams" and "hazmat suit" so noone has to worry about any germs or stds.. Sorry but does nothing to inspire romance or passion. (I do miss the good old days.)