Healthy Relationships Support Group
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I was talking to two friends. One male one female. We were discussing my latest relationship disaster. Very long story short two months ago the man I was in love with decided to end it because he no longer wants to deal with the responsibility of a relationship. Now originally my plan had been to do what my late husband did with me. When I first met him an idea of a relationship freaked me out so I would talk to him go out with him then be like nope never mind. He was patient and we would talk as friends on the phone awhile and well eventually it worked and it was the best years of my life. So originally( not anymore)I had figured I would do the same with this man, We still talk sometimes hes not ignoring me. We don't hang out or anything. Now my female friend said she has had a man do that with her before and she ended up dating them and it worked for awhile. No to be clear we are not talking about the creepy guy that wont leave you alone and you don't even want to be friends with. I think that is more of a stalking thing.
Now this is what my male friend said. He said you cannot do that with guys. He said girls are very complicated and if a man is really interested and patient he knows if she is not out and out saying hell no he has a chance. He said guys however are really simple creatures. He said once they say no, no matter how patient we are and try to do the same thing it ain't happening they do not come back. Using me as an example with my ex. Ex had told me he must not love me like he thought he had because he could not keep doing the relationship thing. So my original thought was I knew he had so much going on in his life I would just step back be patient and maybe he would come around. Guy friend said no that is female thinking. Guy thinking is simple once he decided he cant do it it would never happen.
Now I am not chasing after this guy anymore or doing the patient thing. However I am curious what other people might have to say. Is there really that much of a difference between the sexes. I know quite a few girls that the men have won them back from being patient but I guess I really cannot think of one guy in that situation. Have you known of or are you a guy that a girl managed to get you back by being patient or is my male friend correct.
Now this is what my male friend said. He said you cannot do that with guys. He said girls are very complicated and if a man is really interested and patient he knows if she is not out and out saying hell no he has a chance. He said guys however are really simple creatures. He said once they say no, no matter how patient we are and try to do the same thing it ain't happening they do not come back. Using me as an example with my ex. Ex had told me he must not love me like he thought he had because he could not keep doing the relationship thing. So my original thought was I knew he had so much going on in his life I would just step back be patient and maybe he would come around. Guy friend said no that is female thinking. Guy thinking is simple once he decided he cant do it it would never happen.
Now I am not chasing after this guy anymore or doing the patient thing. However I am curious what other people might have to say. Is there really that much of a difference between the sexes. I know quite a few girls that the men have won them back from being patient but I guess I really cannot think of one guy in that situation. Have you known of or are you a guy that a girl managed to get you back by being patient or is my male friend correct.
I would be very wary of any comment that starts with "men are" or "women are" (unless it is very clinical) because it is likely a HUGE simplification of a complex idea.
I would not respond well to being "worn down" and I would be very weary of a situation where a person responded well to it. It starts off a relationship off balance, with one person way more invested than the other. That, in my experience, ends very badly for everybody.
If it is meant to be, he will be in your life again. Date, build your life around you, not him.
I guess unless you were there for the conversation between the three of us it is hard to quite type out the discussion and make sense without typing forever and it was already long. Some of the things my male friend said though I had heard other guys say and I was kinda looking for back up that we were right and he was wrong. That is is not gender based but person to person based.