Healthy Relationships Support Group
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I've been with my significant other for about 6 1/2 years now. I'm at the point in my life where I am ready to start the process of building a family. I have a son from a previous relationship, which has lead to the greatest friendship between the two of them. I am currently in school and coming to the end of my graduate program. The problem is he is constantly saying that he is not ready for that next step. There is so much that he is not, as a man, that he does not want to bring nothing to the table when we decide to get married. In my mind I'm thinking "why can't we build together, why do you have to build alone?" I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with this man, I love him with everything in me, but I'm starting to believe that I need to take myself out of the equation. Most of our arguments revolve around me wanting to get married and him not being ready. My 30th birthday is next year and I want to start making the transition with him. I get so frustrated when I think about how much time I have invested into this man. My friends keep saying it is time to put him out and start making moves alone. I'm so confused because I can't see my future without him. I have done some dating, but I always end up back with my dude at home where everything seems right.
It may be time to decide if you two should remain together or if you should move on.
I wish you the best.
You need to figure out what you are willing to give up. What's your deal breaker? You two should have had this conversation after year 2...
That said, is he working? Bringing any money to the table? If not, he has a point there.
You ve been together for a long time, your child is attached to him and I assume you live together. How is this any different than a marriage?
I feel like he is hiding his true thoughts behind " I m not ready".
You have your time scale, he has his. For whatever reasons they appear to be different. Can you compromise? Can you wait a while? Can he cut back on what he wants to have achieved before he marries.
I think he knows that once you get married the next thing on your agenda is expanding your family. Maybe he wants to have achieved his goals before he takes that role on?
It seems to me that you've given him a child without the commitment of being a husband to you. So I think it's all in your hands.
If you are happy with him then let him take over the plan.
Problem number one was involving your child with your relationship. Did you ever think about how the child old take it if things went south and you were no longer in the relationship? Will you let them maintain a relationship if you are not dating? What about new men?
Problem number two is your SO has nothing to fight or since he lives with you and essentially is getting all the benefits of marriage without bring married. If I were him, I wouldn't have any incentive to propose either. That's a pretty comfortable situation.
If you love this person, have them move out and figure out what they wsnt. In the meantime, you need to show them where they fit in your future instead of planning ahead without theM. Otherwise, they will plan ahead without you.