Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
So I was in a relationship with a wonderful man for over 4 years. I have a pretty vicious fear of commitment from a toxic 12-year marriage prior. As we started moving closer toward marriage (talks/plans/etc.), I let my fear get the best of me and cheated with a guy I knew at the gym. I had sex with him 3 times before the guilt buried me and I ended the relationship but never told him. I told him I wasn’t able to marry him and he deserved to find someone who would. Now, four months later, I am in therapy (a couple months in), meditating and have become an active Christian to somehow rebuild my feeling of integrity… And the man I left has now returned to my life wanting to “start over.” My question is- if I want to try to rebuild this, do I tell him? Or can there be redemption in the work I’m doing to prevent its reoccurrence?
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
You weren't married at the time … I would let it be a thing of the past if it were me
I believe in free choice.. i think people deserve to know what they are dealing with. if he accepts your infidelity, then great. If he doesn’t, then he will move on. He is looking for marriage, so things should be transparent IMO. Also confessing bad behavior allows the person who did wrong to truly accept consequences for the actions.
If I had no intention to go back with the man, then telling him would just cause unnenecessary pain.
Hope all will be well!
I think these are two separate things. The latter is what you do for yoursef, whether the relationship is with him or someone else. This is the work you do for you.
The former, whether you tell him or not, I would start with developing a friendship based on transparency, meaning be open about where you are in your self care. And let him be open about where his head is at. I think depending on where he is emotionally will help you know if and when you can share.
I’d also ask your therapist for his/her thoughts on this. Sometimes someone who has been working with you can see blind spots you can’t see yet because you are in the midst of mining your emotions, your mind and your spirit.