Healthy Relationships Support Group
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As some of you may recall, I suffer from flashbacks and dissociative states regarding relationships with women (due largely to abuse and trauma). These flashbacks and dissociative states involve painful/unpleasant memories and imagined scenarios in which I felt/feel helpless and was/am abused or attacked by women.
With the support I have received from this group, I have been working hard to combat these mental states by re-imagining the memories/scenarios to have more positive outcomes. It takes a few tries with each instance, but I have been able to overcome the ones I have experienced so far by replacing them with imagined scenarios where I, or more commonly, a made up woman who comes to my defense and is able to drive my abusers/attackers off.
I am happy to report that the flashbacks and dissociative states have been drastically declining in both frequency and severity.
However, I still have trouble feeling comfortable being around and looking at women.
Anytime I look or glance at a woman I feel ashamed and guilty. I know I shouldn't feel like that when I'm not doing anything wrong or rude, but bad past experiences still make me feel uneasy like that.
I want to overcome these feelings and fears so that I can one day have a healthy relationship. So I am now trying to overcome these fears by trying to practice starting casual conversations with women I am not as comfortable around.
I plan to start in a safe environment (like at work) and gradually work my way up from there. So far I haven't been able to work up the confidence to try starting any casual conversations with any of the women I work with that I'm not super comfortable interacting with, but hopefully I'll be able to soon.
With the support I have received from this group, I have been working hard to combat these mental states by re-imagining the memories/scenarios to have more positive outcomes. It takes a few tries with each instance, but I have been able to overcome the ones I have experienced so far by replacing them with imagined scenarios where I, or more commonly, a made up woman who comes to my defense and is able to drive my abusers/attackers off.
I am happy to report that the flashbacks and dissociative states have been drastically declining in both frequency and severity.
However, I still have trouble feeling comfortable being around and looking at women.
Anytime I look or glance at a woman I feel ashamed and guilty. I know I shouldn't feel like that when I'm not doing anything wrong or rude, but bad past experiences still make me feel uneasy like that.
I want to overcome these feelings and fears so that I can one day have a healthy relationship. So I am now trying to overcome these fears by trying to practice starting casual conversations with women I am not as comfortable around.
I plan to start in a safe environment (like at work) and gradually work my way up from there. So far I haven't been able to work up the confidence to try starting any casual conversations with any of the women I work with that I'm not super comfortable interacting with, but hopefully I'll be able to soon.
I just know you are going to succeed!
(((hug)))
However, I am not giving up on my goal.
After thinking about the matter I have decided I should try starting off by trying to start a casual group conversation in a small group that includes them. That way it might feel less awkward to try starting individual conversations with them afterwards.
I was able to get myself to make small talk with this person as part of a group conversation today. Things went decently, but I still feel a bit uncomfortable trying to start 1 on 1 conversations with them. However, it feels slightly less intimidating after today.
I overheard one of the " players" instructing a shy guy how to approach women and he said something that made sense ;
" first you have be confident in speaking to all people in general. Go out and strike conversations with complete strangers if opportunity allows"
I deal with a lot strangers on daily basis and many times I can spin it so much that there some folks that tell me their whole life story, we exchange thoughts and have a LOT of fun in a very sad setting.
It makes me feel good to know that I can make someone laugh and smile while they are dealing with something that can potentially kill them.
If I can make that happen, approaching a potential date is a piece of cake.