Healthy Relationships Support Group
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Back in July, I met the sweetest girl imaginable, the most beautiful girl (inside and out) that I have ever been with. By the way, I, too, am a woman. Anyway, she has also loved me better than anyone I have ever been with, and she claims the same of me. I have never experienced more eerie coincidences with and about someone, and neither has she, as she has said, where I am concerned. So a little perspective would be appreciated because there is one aspect I simply do not understand...
She tells me that I have been the happiest spot of her entire life, that I'm the kindest person she has ever met, that I am the best lover she's ever had, that she honors me so much that if she were dying she'd ask for me to be with her ahead of her own family, etc...and that doesn't even break the surface...the things she says to me are incredible...and then she tells me "but I have a gut feeling that we will not get married so it seems unfair to hang on even though I want to." Isn't it hard to tell the future anyway? Does anyone truly know? Yet it's another thing to already predetermine an end. And, despite this decision, she is having a hard time letting go. When we see each other, she wants to act as if we are together. If we don't see each other because I can't take the mixed signals, she gets incredibly depressed. I don't think I have heard/seen anything like it, so if anyone has, I'd love to hear your story and perspective.
She tells me that I have been the happiest spot of her entire life, that I'm the kindest person she has ever met, that I am the best lover she's ever had, that she honors me so much that if she were dying she'd ask for me to be with her ahead of her own family, etc...and that doesn't even break the surface...the things she says to me are incredible...and then she tells me "but I have a gut feeling that we will not get married so it seems unfair to hang on even though I want to." Isn't it hard to tell the future anyway? Does anyone truly know? Yet it's another thing to already predetermine an end. And, despite this decision, she is having a hard time letting go. When we see each other, she wants to act as if we are together. If we don't see each other because I can't take the mixed signals, she gets incredibly depressed. I don't think I have heard/seen anything like it, so if anyone has, I'd love to hear your story and perspective.
"And, despite this decision, she is having a hard time letting go. "
does this mean you're broken up? Or that she's determined in her mind, that things won't work out?
Also, what do you mean by...
"When we see each other, she wants to act as if we are together. If we don't see each other because I can't take the mixed signals, she gets incredibly depressed."
What do you mean you can't take the mixed signals? Was this before or after (or both), she said she didn't think it'd work out?
I just don't understand how someone can tell me they've loved me more than anyone, that I've made them the happiest...and so on and so forth...but then tell me that they don't think we will be together in the long run so it seems unfair to hang on even though they want to. She doesn't even know why. I ask close confidants and they are baffled. So I am just wondering if anybody has gone through this or has an idea how or why anyone could say such things...
I think you were right in not seeing her, due to not being able to deal with her mixed signals. It sounds like she needs to figure things out for herself. But if you keep giving in when she wants to see you, you will prolong the pain for yourself. she needs to work through her issues without keeping you in limbo, because that is not fair to you. Sorry to hear this for you, big big hugs to you.