This morning he "got you" to cancel?

I don't know. People rarely just "get me" to do stuff. If I don't want to do it ,I say I don't want to.

His behavior seems very erratic and unreasonable.
Does he have problems with attention, staying on task and completing tasks? He is jumping from one thing to another and lacks patience and common sense.
He makes important decisions withthout you and kind of expects the same from you. Idk how this can ever work in a marriage... It has to be exhausting
I am not going to tell you to leave him even though you told us so many crazy things about him.. I will not tell you that because i respect your choice to stay with him and when you have enough you will dump him like a bad habit without any cheering on from us. Right now it is just not time. I get it.
So... You are asking what to do with a person who consistently manipulates you and ignores you?
I say approach his demands from a point of you of convenience. He doesnt care what you are doing but wants his bags immediately.
You look at it this way - IF you need to go out and get something for YOURSELF at the store, you will pick up bags as well, because you are a nice person. If not, dont argue with him. Tell hima little white lie as to why you cant go right now. In 24 hours he will chamge his mind and decide he doesnt want the bags. It is a win win .

I am definitely not for lying, but how else can you survive with someone who will not change and you cant leave at this moment?

I agree with TTMI, though - how does he " get " you to do things?
I would like to know hos tactic - does he use Shame, guilt, bribary, threats or Insults, etc?
It would be good to know, so i can try to figure this out

how does he get me to do thingswell he told me he had booked someone else to move us.I couldn't let the guy I had booked turn up so I had to cancel him.?! Maybe Im covering his arse and clearing up his mess too much?!

As for buying the bags, I was going to the store anywaybut then deciding he didn't want this as an option just is so annoying.
He doesn't 'get me to ' as such but he has made another 'plan' and I feel theres no option but to cancel the previous ones.

I work for him too. I do the marketing, sales and any design work. Maybe Im letting the boss/worker relationship carry on too much into the domestic one.

and yes Aronia your first paragraph is spot onhe's all over the place.

Im not ready to leave just yet. I want to try and work these things out. He's clearly not good at team-work! Im trying not to focus on whats the issues with him (!!! thats a tough one!) but how to fix my own stuff first.

I don't have any intention of stereotyping anyone so I apologize if anyone feels insulted with what I am about to ask.

Was your husband by any chance born and raised in Greece, Italy or Portugal?
Some men who grew up in one of those 3 countries still feel that women have to keep up with most of the stuff while men's main responsibility is to get well paying jobs so they can provide for their families.

Off course there are exceptions, but some of them still feel that they have the right to boss their wives/partners around.

I am married to one of those, just as an example, last night he called on his way home to tell me : "make sure you don't forget that YOU have to call overseas early in the morning"
I snapped at him, the tone of his voice made me to.
This morning he got his butt out of bed and called himself, I didn't even say one word to him.

I relate to you in so many ways for what I have been reading from your posts. Your husband sounds a lot like mine, men like my husband are not easy to live with then they don't understand why their wives most of the time get tired and need to get out of a relationship.

We teach others how to treat us.
As long as you let him walk all over you, you wont be able to "detach" yourself from his behavior.

My husband is a son of an RAF officer, a scotsman. and a right old bossy boots. Of course when he gets called out on anything he's a bullied husband.

I want to find a way to manage him..

When he asks you to do something, just say no because you will undermine me anyways and have it done yourself. Stop helping when he asks.

I didn't mean that how it sounded 'manage him' I meant more manage how I react to him!

it ends up with me just letting him get on with it. I consider marriage to be a team game and Im trying to help him as he's so stressed with it all..so I say I will book the moving company, run it by him first, then book it.then he does what he likes anyway! - when I call him out on it he looks at me in total bewilderment at what he has done wrong!??
he really doesn't get it.

I just want to try and find a way where he doesn't flipping make me feel so small every day.I get to the point when I think sod it Im just going to do my own thing toobut then it feels wrong as I want a husband who listens and hears me at the end of the day.

think Im answering my own question here!!!

Yes I think him being your boss is spilling over into your personal life.