Hi Mary, you know I think we all have trust issues of some kind. You know why? Because most of us don’t trust ourselves completely. You mentioned letting go... of the shell you mean? I was hurt once, really badly. For a while I would console myself with that Shakespeare line; ‘it’s better to have loved and lost than to ever have loved at all’ Turns out that old writer knows what he’s talking about. Because when I really looked at the emotions I had after that relationship I knew I was alive. Little shaken sure. But I wouldn’t change anything.
Nothing is permanent so I try not to expect it to be. I try to be thankful for today and that’s enough.
Meeting someone will give you the opportunity to know someone and that’s really special. Especially when you give them the opportunity to know you too. We’re all the same in so many ways so keep that in mind when you date. Trust in that.

I suggest working on your trust issues. I had to actively work on mine. The fact your admitting you have them is the 1st step. I think its natural if you have been hurt to become guarded but I don't think its healthy. Once I was able to work on myself I was able to open up and give the gift of my trust to my partner and I know you will be able to do so too❤

I think a well lived, full life includes risks, loss, love, all of it. Otherwise you don’t keep learning and growing.

Trying to connect with another person always involves some degree of emotional risk and yeah, sometimes we get burned or stuff simply doesn’t work out. I personally feel like getting hurt won’t kill me.

I agree about trusting ourselves. I trust no other person more than I trust myself. And that just makes it easier to not only take some risks but also manage hurt or disappointment.

I’d rather feel connection to people than isolate. Isolation feels far more risky, less safe and painful to me than taking a chance in people.

I agree, once I built a good base trust of myself and for myself, God put a woman in my path, I was not looking for her, and was not dating nor wanted to date, I told many, I was not going to date for a while until I got my head on straighter and became a better person. This wonderful woman I have known for over 4 years, was put in my path recently, even though I still was not wanting to date or was ready to date. I had even encouraged her to go wander off and go date others with caution of course. I had set up a base moral guideline for the type of woman I would want in my life if I ever decided to date again. As of a week ago I was not even thinking of dating anyone. I just wanted a normal friend, or group of friends. Over this last year my base of friends and trusted allies grew, I have worked hard on my sobriety the entire year. I have grow closer in my walk with God, there was none before sobriety.
As of this weekend I am now dating this woman, its odd how she checks all the moral and Christian boxes that i need to help me stay sober. She can not fix me or save me this is my burden to bare with the help of God.
She is not my type of woman I go for or even have dated in the past. in fact she is almost the complete opposite in many ways.
So do I have fears I am going to mess this up yes, does she know my sobriety walk yes, I can never stop going to meetings, having a sponsor, or doing the daily step work. My sobriety is my way of life forever, because anything else would lead to destruction.
I say this because it is all about loving myself, trusting myself, being honest with myself.
We all need to work on those key points. Life is not perfect and it is not imperfect either. There will be highs, lows and mostly boredom. When we work on ourselves and our values, we are happier, happy people find it hard to be mean to other people.

I pray you are safe and healthy

Thanks

Trust issues are often fear or because we want the other person to solve something in our own personality that we are afraid to conquer and when they "fail" us we feel angry. Trust issues can be remedied by learning to listen and observe other people and their characters. Sometimes codependence makes us jump right into relationships when we don't actually know the person's character and true nature. We just want someone to love us so that we feel worthy and valuable. Thus, our role is to create our own inner or self worth and value. Learn to observe people. You can do this by watching reality shows. You can focus on one person. Notice how they talk, how they dress, how they walk, what they say. For example, is the clothing real tight or revealing? Do they listen and respond to others? Do they only talk about themselves? Do they talk honestly or are they hiding stuff from others? Do they blame everything on other people and see themselves as a victim? Stuff like that. Once we learn to understand people from who they really are, rather than our needs and wants, we can filter out the users and abusers and liars. The book "Life Code" by Dr. Phil McGraw was invaluable for me to learn to read people and see those bad ones for who they really are. Before I always gave benefit of the doubt and saw people as always good. Now I feel very confident in my observation and listening to what others say before I give trust. So now I am less trusting but that is a good thing really. Its better to get to know someone from truth than to blindly trust.

I think that you have to sit with the discomfort and work your way through to the other side

As others have written it's something within us not the other person