Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
I have always wanted to build a truly intimate relationship with my husband, but he was never the kind of man who would take time to look deep into my eyes. Other things were always more important. His thoughts seemed always to be somewhere else. He is irritable, moody, and short tempered. I always had to try to figure out his mood or wait for an opportune moment to talk to him. If and when I managed to get his attention he would always tell me what I should do about a particular concern. I'd get so frustrated that I would tell him that all I needed sometimes was for him to show me that he is listening and that he acknowledged my feelings. I don't think that he knows what feelings are. Anyway, We have been married for 20 years and our children are almost grown up. This man has never bothered to share his thoughts and feeling with me or anyone, conversly, I am vary loving, warm, vocal, playful and happy. I have to hide the very essence of my being because he is not receptive to my joyful spirit. He suck the very life out of me and I can not truly express myself around him. I can not see myself with this man for the remainder of my life. He does all that is tangible, but it is the untangible-giving of himself is what I truly desire. I want to experience true intimacy in this very short moment called LIFE! Am I wrong for this??????????
Have you tried to sit him down and explain your desire for real intimacy to him?
I'll wager a guess. Show him the door.
He's not loving. You can't be yourself around him. He sucks the very life out of you. He doesn't give you what you desire...nor does he care to. You want and need and DESERVE true intimacy.
Check out the book, He's Just Not That Into You. It's a book written by a guy about how guys think. (There are excepts on the internet for free.) I think you'll find your answers. Then you need to decide how to get what you truly want and deserve.
You have a business-marriage. If you want a loving relationship, you have to demand it or seek it elsewhere. (I know, I'm in the same boat.)
Good luck!
The best thing for this issue is to have you both go off to a married couples retreat so that you can both reconnect at this stage in your life. It's well worth the expense and time.
I think marriage councling would be a start to try and if not, you spent 20 years with this man and nothing has changed are you really willing to waste another 20 waiting for some spark that he just may not have.
Your kids are almost grown dont hold yourself back, life is really short and I think life should be lived without regrets. I know persoanlly when im 75 I want to look back on my life and smile and know what when my time comes Im happy and did what i wanted to with my life. You would be surpised whats out there and how much emotion your missing out on.
Best of luck to you sweetie and dont ever let anyone make you hide your spirit!
xoxoxoxo
I think you need to go to counseling for yourself. Get strong. Learn why this isn't your fault or that you are wrong. Then stand before him and tell him exactly what you need from this relationship. You need to take him to the carpet and see if he understands and is willing to try. If he is not, then you will know with certainty what your answers may be for you. Good luck!
My boyfriend is extremelly heartfelt and sensitive. We can talk about anything hes affectionate and hes romantic with me. And Ive had the other side of the rope before too. I know how men can be jerks but I also know that there are some wonderful people still in the world.
Never think you have to settle on anything or that people cant change!