Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
My husband came to "our house" today to talk about next steps as he is living with his parents after cheating on me for the 4th time this last August through February. We have a son that has some delays and is 4.5 years old. I was trying to give him a chance to find himself and figure out his life. In this time apart we did not talk much as I filed for divorce and then pulled that about 5 weeks later. He has been reconnecting with old friends and his family that he has not really talked to much in 10years as they never liked me and make it known to me. My husband would force me to go to all the activities that we were invited to with them (birthdays and holidays) So only when we had to buy things. Even when I asked not to go saying my son could go but I did not want to have any part of it. I was pregnant at the time of all of this and lost one of the babies I believe due to stress... I have since had the baby that continued to grow. I am now thinking clearer unfortunately I am also having random crying bouts every hour or two no matter what is going on around me. I want to work things out for what is best for our son but my husband gave up on us getting better long ago then started stepping out and expecting me to still have sex with him even with that.
Now fast forward to today...
His family is paying for his lawyer and I am trying to pay all things myself. I am a SAHM that has no income and has only received a little money from my husband since February. I did move some money from our joint account when he told me he was going to be taking our son and all the money and that is what we have been living off.
My husband also asked for 100% custody and as sad as it is I am considering it because the back and forth with our son is really bad and does not help him get any better in the therapy he is in right now. It would kill me to not see him daily but know that seeign his dad and me together 100% or 0% of the time is the only way this will be good for him.
How do you deal with this if one spouse wants to fix things and the other does not?
Also my husband has told me that I will not be able to leave the state if we split custody and I will soon have no family left here as the last two are moving out this summer. My little sister and parents are moving so I will be alone here. I have talked to other divorced parents and the only thing they say is that they wish they had tried harder when they were together because now their kids are having too many issues from the split. I am lost here and need help knowing how to talk to my husband about this because I do not want to be stuck here and 100% alone.
If you were given one more chance would you take it? His complaints about me are that once we were engaged sex slowed down, once we had our son sex slowed more and never went back to how it was when we were 20. I gained weight while we were together that I have since lost most of it I have another 10 lbs to lose until I am back to where I was when we met. he complained I did not dress up much well when we met I was a tshirt and jeans girl now I am one that dresses for comfort of running after a 4.5 year old and then dresses up if we go out which hadn't happened much in years. He said I didn't wear enough makeup so I learned that too as I only ever wore mascara. He said I took too much time with our son so the last few months before he left I tied to plan dates but he would keep saying no that they were too costly so we would not do anything and he would then sneak off with his gf. I am sure there are more things but the biggest thing is that I lost my smile and that is something I wake up with every morning but lose if I see him because I am afriad he will try to take something else.
How do you become a better you when you feel stepped on to this point?
Yes, it takes 2 to make the relationship or break it, but this does NOT give anyone the green light to go screw other people without your spouse's consent.
Please, don't let him do this to you. There are absolutely NO reasons to sexually deceive your partner. None.
Now, if you want to take him back and try again, do it , but it is unlikely that he will stop because his mentality is the same as it was all other times he cheated on you.
There are lots of people who have disabled children. My friend has 2 and she raised them alone. Your child has an able father and an able mother. When there is a will, there is a way.
You are a good person, you can do so much better !
Instead of spending your energy on trying to settle someone who would give up his family for sex , go to college and get a well paying career for you and your child and so you can have everything you want in life .
You can do this!!
Hugs
that said, realize a child needs their mothers love, be cautious in handing over custody and hindsight will give you little solace
i belive in you!
So what I am to understand I could have been all those things he complained about and him cheating still really had nothing to do with me but really just him?
Good for you for going to school. Divorce him and you will get tons of financial aid
I have paid for most of my schooling in cash and continue to figure all of that out but can not continue to do so unless support starts at some point.