Intimacy ~ sharing all of who you are comes from within. You may need to take some real, focused time to look inside yourself and make sure you really like who you are. Take a look in there and clearly see what it is about yourself you'd like to change. Pick up your emotional baggage and take a hard look at it all. Get some help to deal with it, read self-help books, and take your sweet time making it right.
Once you find pride, self-confidence, self-awareness and really like who you are, it will come naturally to want to share your life with someone.

A lot of people have a fear of intimacy, so you're definitely not alone!

I know that dating itself can be difficult... Have you ever considered meeting like minded people through a common interest group in order to form friendships that could develop into more? That way you could gradually work on the intimacy issue rather than just jumping right into dating. Good luck!

You're right to be afraid. A lot of scary people around! That said, you probably just haven't met someone soft, whom you instantly feel at ease and comfortable with. Being a lesbian compounds matters, because you've got to break through that "stigma", whatever it is.

I suggest boldly claiming your sexual orientation on dating websites, then look for a woman who seems really soft and quiet, as shy as you are (they're around!). Then, softly, gently explore...