Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
I sometimes wonder if I am being too picky in choosing a lifelong partner? I just broke up with a guy who wanted to marry me, saw me as the one, and was the most supportive person I have ever met when dealing with some of my hardships. We were together for 2.5 years and he saw me at my absolute worst while dealing with serious adrenal fatigue. We went from hiking miles and miles in steep terrain to me bawling because I couldnt hike even a mile due to extreme fatigue. The outdoors defines me and I wasnt coping well with this new handicap. His mental strength was huge. However, his maturity isnt quite where mine is and I often look at him as a boy that still has a lot to learn. He can be a little irrational or quick tempered sometimes and that is why I broke it off because I grew up with a very angry mom and was worried that sort of dysfunction would progress into parenthood or marriage (as life stressors increased). Looking back, I dont know if that was dysfunctional anger or something I should have returned with the patience and support he showed me. We have a lot in common and never stop dreaming...Something I didnt have with my last serious boyfriend. I am freaked about marriage because I see so many divorces and grew up in a very dysfunctional family. I am terrified of repeating my parents mistake. Even if I chose to not repeat, my partner can do as he wishes, and that leaves me picking up the peices for me and my children (if we were to have any). So my question is am I crazy to be looking for Mr. Perfect and if not then how do I know which non-perfect traits to accept?
-
Well, good morning to you!Today is National Roller Coaster Day. Are any of you going?It's also National Tell-A-Joke Day! Come up with some and share!I'm not bright with jokes these days, but I'll start:"Today I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon...I'll let you know." :D
-
The weeks seem to fly by!Happy Saturday to everyoneI hope that the weekend brings some chill time and barbecuesDoes it take others what seems like forever to add a comment on the boards?I'm okay everywhere else except boards..Everywhere else adds normally but it's annoyingly slow!Have a great Saturday and do something nice for you!!Big hug...xo
I felt some of his other decisions were really immature...I feel like. I have lived a life full of a lot of lessons early on, so that may be why I am cynical of his decisions now...
I'm sure I am probably cynical. I just feel like a person has to be when thinking of marriage. It seems life's stressors just pulls away at the bonds of marriage and I want to be sure that we are both mentally strong enough to stay strong through it all. I do not want a divorce & I do not want my kids to grow up in a broken or dysfunctional family. Ultimately, I scared...of forever and my future partner and I loving each other forever.
I don't blame you for having those concerns now and wanting to be cautious for the future. Even though relationships are about making compromises, it is important to trust your gut if something does not feel right.
You sound very level headed with concrete concerns.
I didnt see his anger until well after we were together. Towards the end his job was taxing him and I saw his irritability and quick temper rise. I understood he was stressed from his job and tried to explain that he was being mean, but would turn it around on me. Even after he admitted later that he was irritable because of work he would deny it when his temper rose again. It was like walking on eggshells after a while. I would run away from the relationship because I grew up with a way worse kind of anger from my mother and was afraid as time drew on maybe that anger would increase. Everyone gets angry sometimes. I just need to know how to filter it I guess. And Trust in the uncertainty of the future. SCARY!
Thanks for your guys' replies. I want to figure me out so I can be not only the best person I can be but the best wife and mother hopefully someday.
I made the mistake of marrying when I had a lot of uncertainly with the predictable result
There is no such thing as perfection in people however if you are really questioning a relationship I would take my time with it.... Big hug.....xo
Rational relationships are good, stable, but they cannot fill that space where butterflies flutter.
Every time I had deep feelings for someone it turned into a disaster, but I m not sorry.
I got divorced, but the experience of raising my children was so insightful, that I am not sorry for any of it and my kids are pretty amazing human beings despite of the divorce.
I can’t be in a relationship without strong feelings. Eventually it just becomes irritating.
Fall in love and marry. If it works - great, if it doesn’t - at least you did it for the right reasons, not because it is logical.
I also think Aronia may be correct. I didn't love him enough, He definitely loved me enough, but I didn't him. I want to tho. It makes me sad and guilty. I just get scared to and get caught up in silly expectations. He meets all my expectations except for a couple.
Patternskies what happened because of your high expectations at my age?