Healthy Relationships Support Group

No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

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Vanillasky82 04/09/2014

Hi everyone, I've been coming to this support group like sort of some kinda not so secret confession safety zone, if you have been reading my past posts you would know I am in a relationship with a rather difficult, controlling and insecure woman. However as much as she is difficult to handle, I also know she wants the same things as me in life and she loves me deeply and cares for me.

I guess what I really want to say is I am tired of fighting with her, I feel like what little joy i have with her is often drowned out by our incessant fighting. Our interests are completely different, while I am ok to indulge in her interests, she shows no respect towards mine.

I love her alot but I feel very super jaded about everything that has to do with her and her controlling ways. I tried to break up with her last week but the moment her tears fell I felt so bad I took her back.

No amount of talking or explaining to her seems to help either....I am stuck.

stillbitterjaded 04/09/2014

You can love someone with every fibre of your being and it still doesn't work out.

Yes, you have to work at relationships but not to the point of exhaustion I don't think. I don't expect to be happy all the time but you should be comfortable at least and you aren't.

Shine14 04/09/2014

Youre not stuck, youre just not at your breaking point yet.
The question is, do you want to let it get that far?

caseyk 04/09/2014

Have you tried counseling? do activities u havent done before, so its out of both our ur interest buckets.. I am in a similar situation, and fights have taken over than the pleasant moments, but i am trying to do everything i can to stay together, cos we have so much in common, i m sure i wotn find another with so much likeness. So I may have to make a few compromises, but we are working it out.

Vanillasky82 04/10/2014

@shine14 I've come close to breaking several times already, the only thing that's the glue to this relationship is that i know how much she and I love each other no matter the difference. She is a very stubborn and hot headed person as much as she is loving and generous. I did suggest counselling but she will have none of it.....also she is very private I am not sure if she ever seeked out a third perspective to our issues instead of always arguing her way through.

Vanillasky82 04/10/2014

I'd like to add, the reason why i am tired is that its affecting other areas of my life, like my friendship. She yelled at me the other day because she feels I spend too much time with my friends. But its not like I spend time with my friends at the expense of spending time with her. I meet my friends when she is not free to see me. So am I suppose to only socialize with her and my empty room?

Aronia 04/10/2014

If someone says : " no, i m not going to counseling" this is just the beginning of the end for me.
So, you care this little about how i feel in this relationship, that you are going to say " no"... Idk what else is left but to skip..

Maika 04/10/2014

sometimes we know a relationship has run it's course. I am going to guess that your heart feels that. Even though it hurts. But we are not ready to give it up.
We try and walk away a quickly cave because in truth we aren't ready ourselves. We will feel the loss also.
You have to decide if you can accept the difference and move on that way or if you want to seek out a more fulfilling love or happiness.
If you decide the latter you will need to steady yourself and prepare to dig your heals in to do it. Break ups are often ugly, sad, emotional and painful. But it is a short term effect for a long term change.
You did say you love her though, so decide whether that is enough.

deleted_user 04/10/2014

It is possible to love someone immensely and not be able to be in a relationship with them.

namaste02 04/10/2014

What TTMI said!

Well, I love cookies. But sugar and gluten are not good for me. I could torture myself and indulge only to feel like shit after and repeat a vicious cycle. Or, I could recognize within myself that it may not be the best choice and choose not to live with the consequences of the aftermath.

Vanillasky82 04/10/2014

@everyone I am really undecided because yes as what @Maika says, I love her immensely. I love her despite all her flaws, maybe because I finally met someone who really loves me as much as I love them despite all our differences. And yes its crazy.

An update tho, lately she's been busy with work and I don't know is it because earlier she was very idle in her job and her mind started wander to strange places. But now things are calmer with her and sweeter when she is preoccupied with work.

REDOAGAIN 04/10/2014

Controlling people want to isolate you from friends and family, it gives them more power over you.

JustASimpleGuy 04/10/2014

Just an observation, but you keep saying you both love each other so much, however she's not considerate of you and seemingly controlling and you aren't willing to accept her as she is.

Sounds like both of you might just be in love with the idea of being in love.

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