From the outside - yes

From the inside - no

Too many unknown factors in any relationship to keep the 'right' state of mind.

In an ideal world, koolman.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbqC1I2SxGM

You are very right.. worried and concerned are always my two major feelings.. (after the initial excitement passes, that is). I honestly think that those negative feelings stem from fear. In order to have a relationship with another person.. you have to be vulnerable to them.. and that's scary. I even had a dream about it last night!! I dreamt that I was attempting to save someone and I had a partner who was helping do this.. the partner was faceless, but I knew it was a male. I realized that I was extremely scared that my partner was actually evil and might try to hurt me. So my dream turned from trying to save the person (ie. doing my job) to concentrating on how to protect myself from this "partner" without letting him know how scared I was of him.. Whew. Talk about tormented!!

re: relaxed & confident, i quote for you from my physical trainer: "there is no strength without flexibility." as the mind mirrors the body...

Daggy: Gee, thanks for reinforcing my insecurity.

david: Interesting. Actually, I heard a pastor say at a wedding I videotaped "it's in our weakness, when we have difficulty satisfying our partner, that we find strength (in God) and it's that strength we need to rely on for our marriage (or relationship". True that!

Love the youtube Sinatra video! Some great ladies he's been with...

Sinatra would probably say "ya just plunge in and damn the consequences. Can't help bein' me, baby."

As someone who has grown up with OCD, I rarely feel relaxed. I'm a high strung person- and I've finally accepted that and am okay with myself. I like that my boyfriend is able to make me feel more calm then I normally do, and it makes him feel good too.

I'll admit, I am someone with an extremely short fuse who is quick to anger. Again, I have accepted the fact that it's who I am, and I try and work on getting over things faster or isolating myself when I am angry. Anger is natural and normal and I think it's really sad that people are taught to stuff anger or that it's wrong to express it.

I think that relationships are much more complicated than the states of minds of the people in them.

koolman, this video demonstrates the 'right state of mind'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LNVOl5_3_Zo&feature=related

loL

Anger: So true. Anger is our natural defense mechanism to the B.S. in the world around us...and, believe me, there is a lot of B.S.; anger ain't always internally but is externally motivated!!!

I agree that it's perfectly OK to blow off steam. There needs to be an undercurrent of love there so your partner knows it's not personal (well, maybe it is), but it's just you reacting to whatever bugs you, for better or for worse.

I don't think I can stuff my anger in a relationship; that is why I'm not involved with anyone. I guess if I got to know someone who, perhaps, herself, also had a short fuse, I'd encourage her to be emotional and not stuff her anger at me either. If we truly love each other, we'll get angry at each other, but in a fun sort of (pardon the movie metaphor) Han Solo/Princess Leia or Indy/Marion way, and get lovey-dovey afterward.

anger can be a pretty good aphrodisiac, in a way - but i think it takes 2 people who are pretty adult with their difficult feelings to do it - & quite frankly, most of us aren't precisely because these are difficult feelings. i think it takes being able to recognize that you are angry, that its okay to be angry, own your anger, then be able to put the argument in perspective & blow it off.

or maybe, based on your last post kool, it just takes being Harrison Ford. ...um, which most of us aren't, sorry.

Only as long as you get over it, and move on.

Very well said koolman. I like the "undercurrent of love" part. I also think its good to offer reassurance after an argument, and just let my SO know I still love him (and him the same).

david: And Harrison himself would be the first to admit that his anger (and his alcoholism) is a problem. Callista Flockhart, a very soft-spoken woman, has been good for levelling him out.

I guess what I'm saying is one has to be in a good state of mind before one gets into a relationship, because, while a relationship will add something to one, it also takes something from one, and there are going to be sacrifices.

Give & take koolman.

What's yours is mine and what's mine is mine too !

LoL