Healthy Relationships Support Group
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I was deliberating on whether I should even post this up for fear of being clobbered in the head for sounded downright stupid. I just need some voices of reason.
So what's been happening lately is that I just got out of a 2 year r/s that was really really tumultuous and all sorts of crazy with this girl called Winnie. I've been pretty much trying to steer myself away from the post break up depression by exercising and pretty much putting myself back to how I was when I was single. And I was starting to get good at it....that was until another ex of mine reappeared in my life. Her name is Lauren.
I met Lauren about 3 years ago, she was this insanely fun alternative girl (think tattoos and piercings). I fell head over heels instantly but I was also afraid that I was too vanilla for her so I tried to live my life like hers, trying to impress her. Me and Lauren never really addressed this issue until recently when I met up with her and we started to talk about what happened. I was too afraid to raise my own voice to live for myself and she eventually became interested in other people and left me. In some ways she told me she regretted it and she wished we had talked about it instead of just leaving it as it is.
Throughout the conversation I had with Lauren, she kept emphasizing on how I was the only girl that never gave her any problems and that the last guy she broke up with recently reminded her of me. I could also see how the last 3 years really changed her, she was more responsible and while she's still the girl who knows how to rock and roll she intimidates me less now.
We've both been hanging out a bit lately, since both of us are reeling from our own break ups but then there is this tension between us as well. I know for a fact that I still love Lauren despite how we ended things the last time. Even though Winnie broke my heart and I know I am in a vulnerable position, I know with all the clarity in my mind that I still love Lauren. Trouble is I'm afraid that if I pursue this maybe to Lauren I am just a rebound. My friends are advising me to take it slow which I have been. I just don't know if I should hang on to the hope that I might have a chance with Lauren again.
So what's been happening lately is that I just got out of a 2 year r/s that was really really tumultuous and all sorts of crazy with this girl called Winnie. I've been pretty much trying to steer myself away from the post break up depression by exercising and pretty much putting myself back to how I was when I was single. And I was starting to get good at it....that was until another ex of mine reappeared in my life. Her name is Lauren.
I met Lauren about 3 years ago, she was this insanely fun alternative girl (think tattoos and piercings). I fell head over heels instantly but I was also afraid that I was too vanilla for her so I tried to live my life like hers, trying to impress her. Me and Lauren never really addressed this issue until recently when I met up with her and we started to talk about what happened. I was too afraid to raise my own voice to live for myself and she eventually became interested in other people and left me. In some ways she told me she regretted it and she wished we had talked about it instead of just leaving it as it is.
Throughout the conversation I had with Lauren, she kept emphasizing on how I was the only girl that never gave her any problems and that the last guy she broke up with recently reminded her of me. I could also see how the last 3 years really changed her, she was more responsible and while she's still the girl who knows how to rock and roll she intimidates me less now.
We've both been hanging out a bit lately, since both of us are reeling from our own break ups but then there is this tension between us as well. I know for a fact that I still love Lauren despite how we ended things the last time. Even though Winnie broke my heart and I know I am in a vulnerable position, I know with all the clarity in my mind that I still love Lauren. Trouble is I'm afraid that if I pursue this maybe to Lauren I am just a rebound. My friends are advising me to take it slow which I have been. I just don't know if I should hang on to the hope that I might have a chance with Lauren again.
But yes, you both are in vulnerable emotional states if you both are coming off recent breakups. Take it slow. Have time apart between dates. Have time to think. Have time to heal from your breakup.
You both need to heal and grieve your losses seperately and not use one another as a crutch to avoid that process. Or it will come back and bite you.
Maybe you and Lauren came into each other's lives, at just the right time, for a reason? Call it a rebound or whatever it is, just enjoy it and fall into it.
Being in a rebound-type situation is hardly ever going to play in your favor.... too many insecurities, baggage, etc. that you have to deal with in a healthy way will not be resolved properly and sabotage your new one.
I'd say however the conversations you've had with Lauren are very favorable for setting up your friendship relationship status while you're dealing with your issues and laying the ground work enough to take your friendship to the next level when you're both ready (give it a few months to a year). If that grieving period is too long (you don't think you could take a year of this) then reevaluate it every few months (every 3 months or so, do you feel the baggage you've carried with Winnie is still very present).
If and when you do choose to take things further with Lauren remember to be very very mature, understanding, and honest with one another. If you give it a go and things don't feel right, then be honest with her in order to not allow mole hills to be made into mount Everest.
Either way I think you're going about it all right, keep at it, and see where time takes this relationship. Good luck!