I believe with all healthy relationships (a healthy relationship varies from each individual couple, there's no one size fits all) but the main standards IMO are 100% mutual trust, respect, honesty, openess, love, compatibility. For me, if one of those ingredients is missing the relationship is not going to be healthy and I won't stay in it.

I feel all healthy relationships begin with a mutual liking. I must like you not only as a person I must like you as a human being. I believe healthy relationships must have a you can be you policy. LOL if I am secure within myself I will remain willing when all is not well with us.

What I found is healthy is what you are willing to Accept.

Thanks. I trust my gut. If I feel relaxed with a person, that is the kind of connection I like.

If my guts are all twisted up with confusion, tension and a feeling that I am being manipulated, I steer clear.

Unfortunately, most of the people who are attracted TO ME tend to be in the second category, and it sucks.

Thanks, ladies. You are a blessing to your mates.

Kool, if most of the women who are attracted to you are manipulative, ask yourself what it is about you, what vibes are you sending out, what are you doing or not doing that is attracting these type of women. When the same thing continues to happen, the one common denominator with all of these people is you.

It's good you realize manipulative women when you see them and you dodge the bullet but if that's what you seem to attract, dig inside of yourself and figure out what it is about you that's attracting manipulative people.

leather, I'm not doing a damn thing, except perhaps being too passive, and perhaps being a bit too cold and aloof (that might have something to do with it).

Time to be more aggressive, forthright, and wear my heart on my sleeve, I suppose, right?

Kool being passive aggressive in never a good thing. Firm direct and not Aloof is a starting point. It sends the message of a man who knows what he wants who he wants and everyone knows where they stand.

Kool, I've seen many posts of yours where you talk about wanting a warm, loving woman, a woman that you can be sensitive with, lean on her when you need it, her lean on you when she needs it, someone you can talk to, share feelings with which are all great things in a relationship. If you're cold and aloof you can't expect to find a warm, loving woman.

The impression I get from people who I meet that are cold and aloof is someone who remains distant from others, is insecure within him/herself (people who like to manipulate others look for a person with insecurities), someone who doesn't want to be close or is afraid of being close to others. For me, the red flags would be waving and a cold, aloof person is not the type of person I would have any interest in dating and certainly not pursuing a relationship with.

Well, it ain't just me. Others are that way as well. Seems no one trusts each other anymore. But I guess I have to make the first step.

Thanks.

At the moment (my situation has changed; I'm working a lot), I don't have TIME for a lot of that lovey-dovey stuff. I just want to enjoy maybe an hour or two of some kinky sex fun with someone, maybe twice a week, and then, unless she has something to say that I find curiously interesting, tell her, as kindly as possible, to go home, leave me the hell alone.

When my situation changes, in the fullness of time, financial richness and boredom, or if I find someone who absolutely fascinates me, as I hope I do her, I'm sure my priorities will change again. It would help if we both enjoyed and were passionate about our professions (!). Healthy career, healthy relationship.

What do YOU do for a living, leather?