This group is not just for hetero people :-) you are welcome here anytime!
The questions i have are: how long have you been together and how much communication do they have?

Welcome.

If she wants to remain friends with her than she needs to set some boundaries. She needs to make it clear to cheryl that she is not interested in her and that she has to stop "fighting for her affections".
The friendship also needs to include you too.

I personally dont see a reason to be friends with someone that has feelings for you other than leading them on or having some secret thoughts for future plans.
I have to say, if a man shows a romantic interest in me, there wouldnt be a reason to continue to be friends, as it would only fuel his feelings and lead to bigger disappointment.
I respect my boyfriend enough that I would not knowingly and willingly put him in such an uncomfortable situation.
Can Daphne show you (and Cheryl) respect in that way?

I think spending the night, with someone who is attracted to you (and you might be attracted) is a poor idea. Nice person or not, many affairs start out this way or not. Your feelings are legitimate. Sure Daphne has made it very clear to you that she wants to be with you, but has she made it clear that she *only wants to be with you*.? Important differentiation. Don't compromise you standards for her (monogamy), no matter how fun and exciting she is, you'll feel like crap if you do.

A few thoughts here... I dated and eventually married someone that was overly concerned with the feelings of his ex's. He would often spend time with them to help ease the pain of the break-ups. At the time, I thought it showed how sensitive he was and I thought my discomfort with it was a sign of my own weak character. Well...I grew up since then, lol.

My ex was more concerned with making sure everyone else thought he was a great guy than making sure I was OK, and that he was a good boyfriend. I bought into the whole routine because I didn't have a lot of relationship experience. Now I know that your primary relationship has to come first, and if your GF doesn't respect your feelings and comfort level with her socializing with her ex GF, then she isn't a very good GF. It is disrespectful to you the way she is socializing with her ex, ESPECIALLY to the point of getting so drunk she has to crash at her house. Never mind the fertile ground this lays for cheating, even if she never cheated, putting herself in this position is disrespectful to you regardless.

And, WOW...what is that with her not telling her ex about you because she "doesn't want to hurt her feelings"? Sounds like she's taking everyone's feelings into account except for yours. And, God forbid you point out how inappropriate she is being, lest you be a bad person who doesn't care about her ex's feelings. I've been in that exact situation and it led to a miserable marriage and the problems never resolved. That was a red flag I should never have ignored. I'd recommend you call out your boundaries regarding her and her ex. Nip this in the bud. She should not be hanging out with her ex if she can't be honest about having you for a GF. PERIOD. In fact, she shouldn't be hanging out with her at all. She is in no position to "cheer up" her ex, she's an ex, and the best thing she can do is walk out of her life for at least a year so she can heal and move on. If she IS going to hang out with her ex, it should be during daylight with no alcohol...like, a cup of coffee or something at the most...although, I don't even think she should be doing this.

Figure out what your boundaries are and have an honest discussion laying out your boundaries to her. You have a right to your feelings, and your GF is wrong for not considering them preemptively. She is in the wrong, in a big way. Don't apologize for your boundaries, just put them out there and figure out whether this can work with you two. Do not put up with things you shouldn't out of a "need" to be with her...it will lead to bigger problems down the line. You are being manipulated and taken for granted, and this is probably because you are nice and she is taking advantage and doesn't respect you. If she is not willing to honor your boundaries, then...no hard feelings, just say it isn't a match and shake hands. It's better to know this early on than to let things snowball and wreak emotional havoc later, not to mention all the wasted time that could have been spent finding "the one."

I love keepingfaithalives answer!!!!

@keepingthefaithalive

That is what I thought exactly....furthermore she got angry at me when I told her I was upset with the whole thing. I really trust her not to do anything to betray the relationship and perhaps this was a mistake on her part cos she is generally kind to everyone. But still....how do i broach this without it becoming a full blown argument.

@keepingthefaithalive: My thoughts exactly!

This doesn't have to be a full-blown argument. Your girlfriend is being inappropriate and is not seeming to take your relationship seriously. I couldn't agree more, about not being friends with exes and definitely not being friends with someone who is romantically interested in you when you are not, and especially when you're already in a relationship. These are common sense things that I feel your girlfriend should already know. I've been in situations where I'd tell my boyfriend of that time that he was being inappropriate/disrespectful to me and that I wasn't comfortable with something he said or did, and he would become angry and defensive. This is a sign of immaturity. A mature person, who actually cares about their partner, will take into account the feelings of their partner and will respect them. You should come first, and if the friendship with the ex is more important to her to where she can not let go of her, then I'd say it is time for YOU to let go altogether. Voice your opinion, feelings and concerns and if she doesn't do the right thing, then it is time to move on. If you're okay with her being friends with the ex, then she should, as stated before, set boundaries and make sure that you are entirely involved in the friendship as well. Otherwise, she needs to cut all contact because what they both are doing is highly inappropriate and disrespectful to you. Don't let her anger make you feel like you're in the wrong. You are totally right with how you feel; she just needs to grow up and see that.

No argument necessary.
You set your boundaries in a calm manner and if she cannot abide by them then you move on, that's it.

@keepingthefaithalive I agree wholeheartedly, i couldn't have said it better myself. with that being said the fact that your gf ex gf/friend does not know about you is a problem. why is she so concern about her friend feelings when her actions regardless of the fact that she stated it is you she clearly wants does not make it right nor justify her actions. she need to set boundaries by letting her ex gf/friend know that she is in a relationship. by not telling her her ex (if her ex still have feelings for her) it gives her hope that she may have a chance with you gf again.

as for her being angry about you bringing up the issue that bothers me because my thoughts is why is she getting upset if there is indeed nothing going on...why is she more protective of her ex gf/friend feelings instead of being protective of your feelings and relationship, have she even given any thoughts to how she would feel if the shoe was on the other foot.

anyway, as far as bringing up the issue again just do it, lay all your card on the table if she is not willing to consider your feelings then you should seriously think about letting go, and make room for that new gf who may like all humans have flaws but a better person to you.