Healthy Relationships Support Group
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The ex was my first serious relationship, lasted three years. High school sweethearts. Took each others' virginity, went through a whole lot together. Toward the end we fought a lot, we grew apart. But we really did love each other, still do.
It ended because we realized we were young and shouldn't force a relationship together. Also, I was on my way out the door for college, off to another state. So the break up was mutual. Hard, and hurt like hell, but necessary.
Well anyway, I'm home for the summer. He's been in a relationship with another girl for 7 months, I've been with another guy for 3 months. My guy now is very good to me and for me, we get along great and prior to the relationship we were best friends throughout our first year at college.
I am for the most part, over my relationship with the ex. I'm not jealous of his girlfriend anymore and I don't feel sad every time I hang out around him.
To make a long story short, when I was single and home visiting for the holidays, I'd hang out with my ex. We even hooked up a few times. So yeah, he cheated on his girlfriend with me, and I do feel bad about that. I really do.
One time though, when we were still kind of together but just started to go through the mutual break up, we made a joke saying "we're totally gonna end up making each other cheat on whoever else we date, haha..." we weren't serious, but it did actually happen.
Since I've been home but NOT single, I've had the chance to hook up with my ex but denied him because I really don't want to do anything to hurt my guy now. However, twice I've ended up drunk and staying the night with the ex, but nothing happened beyond talking and cuddling. I don't know. My romantic feelings for the ex never *really* went away, you know?
He says he just misses holding ME, misses seeing ME. I don't think he's happy with his new girl.
I feel guilty about the cuddling, but at the same time I don't...I'm so confused. I don't see myself getting back with my ex anytime soon, mostly because I live in another state.
Sometimes I think about how in the future I'll run into him again, and we'll hit it off. Sometimes I feel like he's the one I should be with and the only reason I'm not right now is because of distance and the need to venture out while we're young. We're always going to be good friends. Doesn't matter how much time has passed in between each time we see each other; it always feels just as it used to.
But at the same time, I can see myself having a good future with the new guy too, especially because we go to the same school and live in the same city and really support each other emotionally.
Has anyone ever been in a similar kind of situation? Am I just a hormonal little girl who's thinking too hard about all of this? Was I really super in-the-wrong for cuddling with my ex? I kind of feel like I don't care that much, because I'm a free spirit and I'm not going to see him again for god knows how long (after I go back to school, I will be moving to the city permanently with no plans of returning any time soon), so I just wanted another last final "thing" with him.
All in all I guess I feel pretty bad about myself right now. Please don't call me a whore. That I am most definitely not.
Oh yeah: another theory---could my ex possibly feel guilty about cheating, and therefore want me to cheat too? Maybe he's jealous of the new guy, and wants to know he can easily sway me away from him, to feel like he "won".
Ok. I'm thinking too much.
It ended because we realized we were young and shouldn't force a relationship together. Also, I was on my way out the door for college, off to another state. So the break up was mutual. Hard, and hurt like hell, but necessary.
Well anyway, I'm home for the summer. He's been in a relationship with another girl for 7 months, I've been with another guy for 3 months. My guy now is very good to me and for me, we get along great and prior to the relationship we were best friends throughout our first year at college.
I am for the most part, over my relationship with the ex. I'm not jealous of his girlfriend anymore and I don't feel sad every time I hang out around him.
To make a long story short, when I was single and home visiting for the holidays, I'd hang out with my ex. We even hooked up a few times. So yeah, he cheated on his girlfriend with me, and I do feel bad about that. I really do.
One time though, when we were still kind of together but just started to go through the mutual break up, we made a joke saying "we're totally gonna end up making each other cheat on whoever else we date, haha..." we weren't serious, but it did actually happen.
Since I've been home but NOT single, I've had the chance to hook up with my ex but denied him because I really don't want to do anything to hurt my guy now. However, twice I've ended up drunk and staying the night with the ex, but nothing happened beyond talking and cuddling. I don't know. My romantic feelings for the ex never *really* went away, you know?
He says he just misses holding ME, misses seeing ME. I don't think he's happy with his new girl.
I feel guilty about the cuddling, but at the same time I don't...I'm so confused. I don't see myself getting back with my ex anytime soon, mostly because I live in another state.
Sometimes I think about how in the future I'll run into him again, and we'll hit it off. Sometimes I feel like he's the one I should be with and the only reason I'm not right now is because of distance and the need to venture out while we're young. We're always going to be good friends. Doesn't matter how much time has passed in between each time we see each other; it always feels just as it used to.
But at the same time, I can see myself having a good future with the new guy too, especially because we go to the same school and live in the same city and really support each other emotionally.
Has anyone ever been in a similar kind of situation? Am I just a hormonal little girl who's thinking too hard about all of this? Was I really super in-the-wrong for cuddling with my ex? I kind of feel like I don't care that much, because I'm a free spirit and I'm not going to see him again for god knows how long (after I go back to school, I will be moving to the city permanently with no plans of returning any time soon), so I just wanted another last final "thing" with him.
All in all I guess I feel pretty bad about myself right now. Please don't call me a whore. That I am most definitely not.
Oh yeah: another theory---could my ex possibly feel guilty about cheating, and therefore want me to cheat too? Maybe he's jealous of the new guy, and wants to know he can easily sway me away from him, to feel like he "won".
Ok. I'm thinking too much.
I have also been seeing another guy since 3 months after we broke up and I could never let myself attach to the new guy. I am still working on that 8 months later.
I am quite a bit older than you and I can tell you one thing, you never, ever forget the first love, and the first man that you are with, specially if this first man was a very special one, like your ex is.
Let me explain.... At 16 I met the "love of my life", we dated for about 8 years, lost my virginity with him, went to college together, etc. but then when we graduated college, we both got jobs in different cities and things fizzled out. We broke up, after a few years I married, he married, etc. and life went on.... I saw him again about 2 years ago, it was like we never left! It was like we were in high school and college again! All of those feelings for him came flowing back, and we ended up hooking up that night, I shoud say that we are both single now.... He is divorce and I am a widow.
Anyway's, I think that you are thinking way too much about this. You will always have a special place in your heart for your ex, if nothing because he was your first, and that is OK. You never know, maybe you guys will reunite, or maybe not, but always keep that friendship alive. Is the best thing that you can do. Take care,