Some of you know my backstory. For those of you who don't I'll make an exhausting story short. My S/O came down to visit me a yr. ago. At the end of our visit he decides to break up with me. To add injury to the insult, I had given him my virginity.. I didn't talk to him for 5months.

Now for my problem. We've been trying to fix things ever since, but are having a lot of trouble, mostly coming from me. I built up A LOT! of resentment towards him in those 5months that we didn't talk because I didn't deal with the traumatic betrayel. I figured it would just go away... Well it hasn't... It hasn't even let up.. The point of this is that I have become the abuser now. I have been abused alot in my life and now I have resorted to emotional abuse in my partner to try and make him feel the same amount of hurt that I have felt, that I am still feeling... I know that what I am doing is wrong.. I know that I need to see a psychologist.. I plan to once I move in august here soon. I'm just so lost.. My emotions are eating me alive with this one person that I use to love so much and now the smallest things will send me into what I like to describe as a bipolar tantrum... I'm completely torn because I feel like leaving would be best, but I don't have the will to do it because I love him too much.. He won't even be friends with me if I do because it would hurt him too much... I'm lost... So so lost....