Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
Hi, My wife of 34 years left and divorced me over a year ago. She left because she committed the big three and felt she no longer loved me.
I have moved on, and I am in a relationship , but I think there are times just from what my ex says she wants back. Anyway, our kids are older obviously and I still will be paying maintenance fro sometime, and recent had to readjust that downward, with my ex (we worked it out toghter and she was very agreeable) without fighting etc. Very smooth. SO even though she harmed me, I just want us to be friendly.
So yesterday , while at my girlfriends house my ph went off, and she asked who text me. I didn't want to lie, and said it was my ex wishing me a Happy Thanksgiving. (Actually said she misses me and the family, being she really has none)
I did text her back and just wished her a Happy Thanksgiving too. I have told my girlfriend before that I love her, and I did say to her, I beleive my Ex has some regrets, but nothing will become of that, becuse I love you, not her.
Again, I want to be honest. (Maybe too much??) Anyway, she was furious with me texting back. I can kinda of see her point to a degree, but recently a month ago, my girlfriend wanted for us both to date others (confusing to me also) but neither one of us has done that, to my knowledge, well anyway, did I scrwe up on this. It was the holidays, and I was just trying to be nice, knowing that its better to do that for my kids (one's always in some kind of trouble) and me. I see no reason to be rude, but of course I don't want to be conversing daily with her.
So need some advice, and I know most will probably say just leave it to matters of the kids, but I know when it's Christmas time, this will come up again, and I feel so rude, if she wishing me a Merry Christmas, and I ignore it.
Maybe, I should just say to her, we will be friends. That sends a positive, but straight message. Ths
I have moved on, and I am in a relationship , but I think there are times just from what my ex says she wants back. Anyway, our kids are older obviously and I still will be paying maintenance fro sometime, and recent had to readjust that downward, with my ex (we worked it out toghter and she was very agreeable) without fighting etc. Very smooth. SO even though she harmed me, I just want us to be friendly.
So yesterday , while at my girlfriends house my ph went off, and she asked who text me. I didn't want to lie, and said it was my ex wishing me a Happy Thanksgiving. (Actually said she misses me and the family, being she really has none)
I did text her back and just wished her a Happy Thanksgiving too. I have told my girlfriend before that I love her, and I did say to her, I beleive my Ex has some regrets, but nothing will become of that, becuse I love you, not her.
Again, I want to be honest. (Maybe too much??) Anyway, she was furious with me texting back. I can kinda of see her point to a degree, but recently a month ago, my girlfriend wanted for us both to date others (confusing to me also) but neither one of us has done that, to my knowledge, well anyway, did I scrwe up on this. It was the holidays, and I was just trying to be nice, knowing that its better to do that for my kids (one's always in some kind of trouble) and me. I see no reason to be rude, but of course I don't want to be conversing daily with her.
So need some advice, and I know most will probably say just leave it to matters of the kids, but I know when it's Christmas time, this will come up again, and I feel so rude, if she wishing me a Merry Christmas, and I ignore it.
Maybe, I should just say to her, we will be friends. That sends a positive, but straight message. Ths
You didn't tell her you missed her too.
I applaud you for being honest with your GF about it.
Stbxh and I (married 33 years, have 2 adult sons) remain friends. We spent almost our whole adult life together, have kids together and he will always be a big part of my side of the family. Besides his sister, everyone on his side of the family is deceased. He and my family have always been very close, he's still invited to holiday and family gatherings and none of that will change just because he and I are no longer a couple. Our divorce is between us, not between him and other family members. My partner was fully aware of all this from the beginning and does not have a problem with it at all. Stbxh and my partner do not have a problem with each other. If my partner couldn't accept that stbxh and I remain friendly and will remain friendly, that would be a serious problem for my partner and I. He actually wishes he and his ex-wife could get along, it would make life a lot easier and comfortable for everyone involved especially when there are times he, I and other family members have to be together due to something going on with one of his kids.
It seems like your girlfriend has some issues, and it would be a good idea to find out what is behind them. I like you would find the suggestion of seeing others as a really strange suggestion. I would almost wonder if it was a test to see whether you would jump at it, to see how genuine you are about your commitment to her.
She is giving weird mixed signals. JMHO
I WOULDN'T, however, say "we will be friends". I don't think that's possible, with the new GF!