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Hi, I was married for 34 years. My cousin just recently passed and the wake is today, funeral tomorrow.
Of course through family reuinons parties. picnics etc my wife had lots of contact with my family and knew and like them all.
So, when my cousin died, I wrestled with this, and decided to tell her about the death and wake etc.
Now I am having some regrets about that decision, since I will be taking my girlfriend of over a year there and she has met these people as well and is well liked.
So, did I do the right thing? I didn't tell my girlfriend that I told my ex in fear she will blow her top. As she doesn't think I should have any contact with her but with kids that's crazy, and she has backed off quite a bit on that.
Thoughts and opinions welcome. I am thinking of calling my ex and asking if she could visit earlier. I want this to be about my cousin and their family, not a three ring circus about us.
Thanks !
Of course through family reuinons parties. picnics etc my wife had lots of contact with my family and knew and like them all.
So, when my cousin died, I wrestled with this, and decided to tell her about the death and wake etc.
Now I am having some regrets about that decision, since I will be taking my girlfriend of over a year there and she has met these people as well and is well liked.
So, did I do the right thing? I didn't tell my girlfriend that I told my ex in fear she will blow her top. As she doesn't think I should have any contact with her but with kids that's crazy, and she has backed off quite a bit on that.
Thoughts and opinions welcome. I am thinking of calling my ex and asking if she could visit earlier. I want this to be about my cousin and their family, not a three ring circus about us.
Thanks !
Another reason is, my girlfriend never had any kids of her own, was married once, but that was 20 years ago, and was lucky I guess to date after her marriage more than a few guys that were either never married, or wife passed on, or move to another sate, so a bit of this is new to her, but I think my actions were correct. I think I should call my ex and tell her nicely, that she should not go at the same time.
There will be a time, when they should meet. This , I feel isn't one of them. Thanks so much for your candid reply!!
"I am thinking of calling my ex and asking if she could visit earlier. I want this to be about my cousin and their family, not a three ring circus about us."
I think that would be a great idea.
I However would not call the ex and ask her to come at a different time.
Your GF needs to grow up.
I think yes,per onetoomany comments, I shouldn't be bullied into doing what's right or making decsions (like walking on eggshells) around her, having said that, I want to be considerate of all parties, especially my family at this sad occasion. .
However, I do think she has a bit of restrictions on things. Oh well, that's another matter and will see over time.
Please accept my condolences for the family loss.
Hugs
Hopefully both women will be adult enough to be respectful of the sadness of the occasion and put their own interests aside. In fact this will be a kind of test of their character. If they are decent people it will not be about them. If they make a scene then you have a true picture of the selfishness of both of them. JMHO
Like it or not, your ex-wife's presence at the funeral will be uncomfortable for your GF.
And I think to an extent, that is the point of your ex wanting to be there.
Coincidentally, in my ex's family there has been a death this week. We were married 32 years and i wasn't notified and I don't really care, my son told me about it.
I socialized with those people a long time and was always an outsider.
So I have no intention of crashing the funeral or seeing the ex or her family.