Healthy Relationships Support Group
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Hi everyone. I am feeling really sad and dont have anyone I can trust for advice so here it goes. I have known my best friend for 11 years. She is no where near perfect she can be selfcentered, unreliable and lies about uncessary things. Although she has many faults I love her and I accept her for who she and know my limits in terms of what I share with her and what I expect fromthe friendship. We see each other about once a month and text regularly. I treat her like family and vice versa.
I have been with my fiance for 5 years now.My fiance and bff also became like family but my fiance has been less tolerant of my bff's lies and doesnt feel she is a true friend. I can see why my fiance feels that way and accepted it since my fiances views didnt affect my friendship. A few months back my bff was looking for a job and my fiance had a temporary part time position open at their job. My fiance offerred my bff the position and explained the job would be flexible. However, my bff took flexible to a whole new level. I was told she was inconsistent with when she showed up to work, constantly calling out or leaving work early, complaining there was no work to be done ect. My fiance complained to me and my advice was for her to be firm about the jobs expectations and tell her this isnt going to work if they arent responsible. I tried to stay out of it as much as i could. Then there was a non work related conflict that occurred between them which caused a rift. They continued to work together but my fiance found the inconsistancies and complaining about there being no work even more annoying.
Today my bff arrived an hour and half late to work while a client was waiting. My fiance emailed her and told her from now on she needs to sign a time sheet to keep better track of when she is there. My bff then text me saying my fiance was targetting her and has only communicated with her through email since the incident prior and ignores her at work. My bff untimately quit the job today but now I am left in the middle and dont know what to do/say so that this wont affect my friendship since neither or them want to do anything involving the other. My bff feels she was treated unfairly and in a way she doesnt deserve because she feels my fiance was "nasty and rude to her" while my fiance feels my bff took advantage of the opportunity she gave her. Any advice on how to handle this situation is greatly appreciated.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
For contexts sake: My former bff and my now husband never liked each other. Much more the bff didn't like him than my now husband didn't like her. Both- might I add- had valid points for not liking each other which only made the situation that much more difficult. Only telling you this to let you know I do relate from the feeling of being caught between 2 people who I cared about who really didn't care for each other.
It sounds like things were not handled well at all at the job. Definitely clarification of her role and her duties, time commitments company standards and so on needed to be laid out very clearly for your bff and if they were not met- this is where it gets sticky because then it's a matter of firing the bff and creating that containment for "my fiance's bff" vs "co-worker/ employee" So, I honestly do think that your bff quitting is the best thing that could happen- the alternative- that your bff was fired by your fiance- probably would have been worse. Or, that this just kept getting more and more and more drawn out.
The not very funny thing is- feelings-wise- this is where things blew up between me and my former bff and I don't say that to scare you at all, it's just the reality. My husband felt that she was taking advantage of me. She felt he was really rude and nasty to her.
I think the best thing you can do right now is firmly tell them both as it comes up "I care for you and I hear you and I'm trying to be fair to both of you which is very difficult for me. If you have unfinished feelings with each other I'd really appreciate it if you could work that out with each other and not have me in the middle because then someone is going to be hurt and it will likely be me,"
-It's not easy. Believe me, I do know. I did the best I could and it blew up anyway. Although as it's now over a year later, the blow up? It was a long time coming and I don't miss my "bff" anymore- I was pushed to choose and I made the right choice. I just hope it doesn't come to that for you as well.
Wishing you the best, what a mess!!
I’d feel like shit if my partner hired my friend and my friend was not responsible at work. As your friend she should have tried that much harder to be an exemplary employee knowing the personal relationships involved.
Now you know for next time.
Your fiancé knew about a lot of things he didn't like going into this work relationship as did you
I would tell them both that you aren't going to listen to either of them bash the other and to keep you out of it
I agree that she should have tried much harder as a valued friend..... Trying to get in between you and your fiancé isn't cool.....
It's good that she quit... It's over now.... She sounds very immature and there's a reason for this in her history? ..... Maybe this is why you care and feel a lot of empathy?......xo