How do you define a dating?
How do you define a marriage?

Relationships are always worked out between the two people, and people don't always honor them.

That said, my definition of a hookup is...an irregular thing.

FWB more defined. Both get medical checkups, both agree not to be sleeping with other people during the FWB time. Or only use condoms with other people. Or only use condoms with the FWB.

Not boyfriend-girlfriend, so you don't go out together and generally don't spend the night.

Be careful though. Because often one will start a FWB hoping for more of a relationship. And feelings can and often do get hurt. Oftentimes one person is "plan B" while the other one is doing other things in their life. A person expects B person to drop everything the minute A has an hour free in their life. That's Not a FWB. That's an "I'm going to use you, and not even pretend to care."

I guess my question is...why a FWB? Why just not date casually?

I think Patti does sum it up well. The first 2 men I was with were both fwb. She is right in the fact that I (with the first one especially) was hoping for more of a developing relationship. I came to realize that I was simply a means to an end. The sad thing was (in the back of my mind I knew, so I never truly allowed myself to be just who I was. Why would I allow myself to be as silly, loving, giving if I was not enough??)

Funny thing was, down the line, he did come back to me and tell me things were different (actually better) with us than with his current gf. I should not have , but I did sleep with him again. (I am ashamed to admit it, but it felt a little satisfying to know that I was good enough to be the other woman rather than the ever ready back up)

well i'm not sure what you call it. I think I'm in a fwb situation which I had kinda accepted beccause we talked about how we are just "hanging out" he calls it but why be with someone for 7 nights in a row and stay the night and cook supper etc. , have sex. (this is after seeing each other for a month or so on the weekends. but then send and tell so many mixed signals. Also if im your fwb fine but don't talk to me about other girls when it is "our time" and then last night he tells me he is trying to find me somebody good to date. He says he doesn't want to date me. I told him he makes it sound like Im not good enough for him to date or something. Ugg. I really feel used and disrespected but I allow it to happen. He also told me if I get with his best friend just don't allow him to come to my house. Like I want to get with his best friend. WTF

Mmm...had a male friend who I just hung out with and he went on about all his fck buddies and women interested in him said we weren't dating

So I got it, he wasn't interested. So obviously I didn't think twice about him in that way

Then when I started a relationship with his friend. He asked me out on a date and when I said I had already arranged to see my bf for Valentine's I would see him afterwards thinking He meant just as friends. He was furious. I don't know what he said to everyone but even my bfs brother hatred us because of this boys jealousy for years.

Eventually he apologised to me, but the harm was done. So I don't know... Why would you talk about all your women if your interested in a girl? It's hurtful behaviour and suxs. Only friends tolerate it. Lovers expect to be treated with more value. You can't tell me even casual lovers don't appreciate feeling special for that hour a week? Who wants to listen to some bore compare you to others putting you down huh? Not very seductive, get some friends to boast about your sex life with...

His behaviour IS hurtful and unacceptable
He IS communicating to you that your not good enough to be his girl

How long you going to let that message try to damage your self esteem before you leave huh?

What a jerk....

I know....I really think hes being a jerk about it. And its been more than an hour hes been staying the night and I have stayed the night with him.

Sorry, he's using you.

Friends with Benefits are FRIENDS...and he's not that.

If you're in it for the sex...fine. Then be in it for the sex. Go to his place, eat the last of his food, take a shower and leave your towels on the floor. Don't look to him for emotional support.

thanks, i guess I need some outside opinion.

The fact that he wants to try to find you someone to date may also mean he doesn't really want to officially date or commit yet...or that he doesn't feel good enough for you......but then why bring up other girls while with you? That is very hurtful.

When I did the fwb deal, he never talked about looking for others, but i knew. he was 7 yrs younger and other friends said he was looking for someone younger than him and more fun. In the end, I too felt very used.

well this guy is alot younger than me 33 and I am 44 but I have experienced similar with guys my age too. I know he struggles with "being good" he says. He goes to a very strict church and he always feels like he is doing bad and is not good enough. But he tries then doesn't try to be good as he says.

He sounds alot like I was. I had so many hang-ups. I was ashamed of my body, sex and any kind of physical touch were dirty . I would lay odds that this church does frown upon premarital sex . I do wonder why we are taught to be ashamed and feel guilty for simply being human and having needs and desires?

Tell him he's not bad...he's human. (and remind him Jesus died for Adam and Eve's sins....and ours too. ) Good luck. :)

Thank you