Healthy Relationships Support Group
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Hello, I don’t normally reach out for help, I guess I am some What stubborn or private but I am struggling big time. My story.... I was a widow at 29 years of age and met my now husband John who had a son. We fell in love and things were good for a while, his son seemed to behave for most part and listen to me and respect me. I have always had to be the one to take him and pick up from school and do homework and feed him and get ready for bed since his dad gets off work at 10:30 at night. Well my step son Enzo, has become a completely different person since our families first joined. He was 7 and now is 10 years old. School is a nightmare he has been suspended multiple times for violent actions toward others he took weapons to school in form of razor blades he stole from the garage, he spends most of the days in the principal office and nothing is being done. He doesn’t care about anything because he knows that come the weekend when he goes to his moms she is going to let him have a phone to play on, YouTube which he looks up bad things on he has told us, and play violent video games such as call of duty. We have a lovely home and a one year old daughter. We have expectations and consequences. Well sadly my husband just doesn’t want to deal with it so he lets him get away with so much as well. I am always yelling and scolding and then my husband is mad at me for even caring and that it’s not my kid so who cares. I am just so frustrated. I am expected to go pick him up when he suspended but I don’t get to punish him? Or I have to sit here silently while he is supposed to be In his room as punishment but Dad let him come watch tv!!! My marriage is suffering greatly. If we didn’t have a lovely baby I would have left him. I love my husband but I am so unhappy. His mother my mother In law also lives with us so I am always teamed up on. They say that if our girl was acting this way I wouldn’t be so hard on her. I don’t agree I’d jt was my own flesh and blood behaving the way step son is I would be harder on her because she is better than that and so is my step son. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to sit like a silent figure and allow this child to destroy my home and marriage. I am just so lost and hurt. Any advice or guidance I appreciate. Thank you
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
Dad NEEDS to change jobs and be home in the evenings.
The boy has a RIGHT to be angry. Heck I'm angry for him. He didn't sign up to come visit his dad's wife.
How would his dad like it if he came home and some other child was in the house and he was supposed to be nice to that person because it was his time "time with his son...but his son is off at soccer, so another kid is going to be there in his place".
I'm not a fan of Call of Duty...but that is NOT what this is about. Not that the boy is ever going to say so in words.
Actions are supposed to speak louder than words...but hey dad isn't there to see...so who cares?
Oh and as the PARENT of a kid that got suspended from kindergarten and had lots of issues. I KNOW something about this.
STOP punishing outside of school. Let school take care of school. Home is for bonding, bonding, bonding, bonding, bonding, bonding, bonding, bonding, bonding.
Turn the TV OFF. and get down on the floor and play with the kid. He'll hate it at first. He'll be suspicious at first. But stop letting TV and video games be another way to avoid spending time with his kid. And not movies or sports either. Go on bike rides. Play ball. Go for a walk. Cook dinner together. Clean the house together. Bond at the HIP.
Do something..do a LOT of things Father-Son without you or his step sister or anyone.
He's got 2 or 3 more years to bond with this kid before hormones kick in and the kid won't want to anymore.
I agree as well with what Patti has written.... He's going to end up in prison if something doesn't change
You are no relation to him.... His father needs to man up
He had a family and now it's gone basically .... This kid is hurting a lot and I imagine that he doesn't trust anyone right now.....and he feels betrayed
Your husband should have never put you in this position.....
He chose to be a parent and he seems to have moved on from his first child.... This is in no way okay and his son's behaviour is the result
He owes his child a lot more then this and your family.... He can change this....and hopefully he and his ex can come up with a reasonable parenting plan.....
This is a really sad child who's acting out the only way he knows how.......xo
https://healthypsych.com/psychology-tools-what-is-anger-a-secondary-emotion/
Is there any possibility for your H to get a day job?
You should not be parenting his son.. even thought I m sure you are excellent at it .
However the boy doesn’t see it that way, because he needs his father to step in.
I think for starters it may be a good idea for your H and his son to spend weekends alone AND with the boy’s mother and just focus on him completely.
It is such a difficult situation.