Healthy Relationships Support Group

No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

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so unsure...

clearskye
clearskye
a little background...I married my highschool sweetheart... we have 2 beautiful daughters... I loved him wholeheartedly and believed we would be together forever...my world crashed when my marriage ended 7 years ago.... my ex left me for the ow and they are still together...I have been dating a man for the past 5 years but have kept my walls up... I still catch myself asking why?...and playing "what if" mind games about my ex... the man I'm with is really sweet... but he's also needy and clingy... and so we are in a constant state of him wanting more and me pushing him away...the past 2 years I've suffered 2 major losses (both my mom and sister to cancer) and have pushed him so far he is barely hanging on...I'm really questioning if this is worth fighting for?... compared to some stories of abuse etc... I really have nothing to complain about... but I just don't see a lifetime with him...i feel so much guilt when I think of breaking it off...
ShastaSue
ShastaSue
Why do you feel guilty when you think of breaking it off?
drew4lostluv
drew4lostluv
There's not going to be an easy way out of this. It's going to sucks nof matter what happens but if you aren't happy you need to break it off. Quit holding on to him if your only fear is being alone. He will get tired of mind games and you will loose him regardless and probably on worse terms if you continue to let it continue.
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
Big hug for you clear... I'm sorry to read that you've been hurt so badly... I would try and let the guilt go... I understand that you don't want to hurt him however if you don't love him or want this to go further letting him go will allow him to eventually find someone who will really love him
onetoomany
onetoomany
You need to let him go so he can find true love.
patti22
patti22
Are you afraid to get close to anyone again?
clearskye
clearskye
thank you all for taking the time to reply... so grateful I've found this site... to answer a few questions I think my guilt mostly comes from feeling like "I should" want a future with him... being alone does not scare me at all... I think my years after my ex left taught me a great deal about myself... I became an independent warrior and struggle to let anyone in now...I guess I'm so unsure because when I am being clear with him and express my lack of desire and inability to see a future together he "explains it away"... Says its because I'm grieving... or issues from my ex... but in my heart I know I can't force feelings... regardless of why I feel this way...
drew4lostluv
drew4lostluv
You found someone who is good to you but you don't have feelings for him. I've been on both sides, it sucks no matter what side of the fence you are on. You have to tell him bluntly. ( I don't have those feelings for you. I might actually be able to have those feelings with someone else but not you)
You're not afraid of letting people in, you're afraid of hurting someone else's feelings because they're not right for you.
I'm not a psychiatrist or anything but that's what I got out of it.
Aronia
Aronia
Sounds like he doesn't want to let you go...
SleepyWalrus
SleepyWalrus
If you don't have serious feelings for him or see yourself spending the rest of your life with him then the right thing to do would be to explain this to him and break up. The longer you lead him on the more it will hurt. I know this first hand since I was led on by a girl before.
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