Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
i am writing this out because I guess, I am trying to figure out what is going on in my mind.
Had a huge argument with my boyfriend. Seems like my suspicions about his sister were right, she doesnt like me. And I had to force the truth out of him, and it hurt like hell. Although he was resistant to it, saying things like "i know your going through a lot lately that why I was protecting you from it".. from the truth. But I could feel the off vibe.
It started off with planning a dinner for this saturday, it is far away from where I live and i asked him if he could bring home after. And his first reply was "its too far..." of course I felt disappointed. And after awhile I decided to confront him about it... and I was annoyed he kept bringing up his sister (at this point I didnt know the truth that she didnt like me). And I was thinking its the way he has been treating me lately... and after awhile he came out with it. Essentially he didnt want to bring me home BECAUSE his sister was there and she didnt like it. And he said she as mad I didnt invite her to my place, which is bullshit because no one comes to my house not even my friends. I think she was trying to make excuses to not like me... what a b*tch. And I am angry. especially as I tried so hard to accomadate her, be nice, all that. Anyways, Im not going to the dinner anymore because my anxiety is already high... and I feel weak. Dont think I am strong enough to put on a smile for even just an evening...
And whats worst? over the past year Ive struggle with the same acceptance with my own parents, who can be cold hearted racists. They hate my boyfriend because he is Indian. My dad screaming at me "I hate Indian people.." was so truamatic but on another view its like are u freakin kidding me, isnt this the 21st century?!
When they make racist comments my blood boils, but I cant say anything, I try to avoid interacting emotionally with them now, because my anxiety got so high to the point I was having suicidal thoughts. My home life was a nightmare... especially my dad being a angry, drunken fool,, who get violent and verbally abusive. ran away some nights to escape.
Now, I asked the boyfriend for space, because I feel confused. I just dont know if I have strength to be with him right now. He tells me, I am his strength but I feel weak and I dont know how I can be his strength. Particularily, right now I have medical concerns, I am awaiting surgery and just that is overwheliming... I am just feeling so anti-social. I want to isolate myself... expect the worst, and see myself disappear into nothingness... feeling super sad, cried a lot tonight.
Guess I just wanted to express it, everything in my mind is still processing. I just feel so hurt and empty. I dont know how to be strong, ask for help. its a lot of pressure, even to get up in the morning, with anxiety always beside me and with the chronic pain I experience. Lifes hit me hard and Im falling into an abyss in which I dont know how to escape... because at the moment, I am weak, all I see is surgery and a lonely journey ahead. My worst fear, facing this surgery alone... and I do feel alone.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
Focus on your health. If the sister doesn’t like you so what. You can’t do anything about that.
Establish boundaries with your parents so you can remove yourself physically, emotionally, whatever from his deal is. I grew up in a toxic home with an alcoholic parent. Setting boundaries for myself was super empowering for me and very freeing. You are an adult woman and can leave that shit behind you. It’s hard and somethings will always be a trigger. I’m 53 years old and was listening to a lecture at work by an addiction psychiatrist and everything he was saying made complete sense on an intellectual level but on an emotional level I was crawling out of my skin because it was kicking up so much from my childhood. I mean stuff I had already dealt with. It was like I was a little girl again. So I get the hold that can have but I also know I’m free of that now.
A therapist can help you get some coping strategies in place to help you.
Is this a case where he rarely sees his family so that taking you home would make him miss time with them that he wouldn't otherwise have?
The red flag for me in all of this, is him not taking you to the dinner and taking you home. Because that is literally what people do on dates.
Now I do understand exceptions, but still...
His sister may or may not ever like you, but the way your boyfriend/husband treats you in the light of that situation...is important.
It is fine and dandy to provide support to your partner, but when your partner relies on you to be their strength, something is wrong.
How long have you been dating this guy? If you had to guess, what would you say is the reason his sister doesn't like you? Can you do anything about that?
If this is a "family" dinner, then I think it's just as well that you not go. You don't NEED to put yourself into that type of situation.
It is the 21st century however we are still far away sadly from total acceptance.... My nephew is in a mixed race relationship and his wife and I have discussed it..... There are things that still have to be considered and I wish that there wasn't
I agree with having boundaries and taking good care of you..... Gentle hug while you sort it out.....xo
Trust your vibes on this one. The sister probably doesn't like you. As long as you do your best to be civil, respectful and try to get along ....I wouldn't lose sleep over her dislike toward you. Its probably more to do with her own insecurities.
Its hard when you feel emotional and overwhelmed but ive seen different perspective from some of your comments...