Healthy Relationships Support Group

No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

9,961 Members
13,641 Posts
2 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Healthy Relationships Support Group

simply "unhappy"

angelite
angelite
why is it that two people can overcome so many horrible events in life together and still be happy and in love - then when everything is going really well, life is good, they get along great, laugh, still find each other sexually attractive, etc - one can just decide to end the relationship b/c they "aren't happy" and it isn't fair to the other person to continue while unhappy. they claim it is a recent feeling (maybe only a month or so).

why does this make sense, especially when it is a long term relationship in which you have overcome so much together.
angelite
angelite
to add - don't most relationships go through a spell where they may feel less satisfied than before, but usually get over this in time? what makes a person not willing to continue to try - especially so suddenly?
page
page
Sometimes, saying "I'm unhappy" could be a way of making a brief statement, to avoid, argument or something that could hurt one's feelings (even more). It may not be that they've felt that way suddenly, they've decided to make it known. ...... just a guess.
I think most relationships do go through less satisfying times.
Kindmirrow
Kindmirrow
It's a difficult place to be in to feel as if suddenly important pieces in your life have been unexplainably removed.

There could be a lot of reasons for this statement. Only your partner knows the full answer.

Unfortunately what you put into a relationship (including time) may not necessarily be refundable.
roseBud23
roseBud23
Hmmm... my two cents are perhaps during the difficult times, we tend to be distracted with the problem at hand... and so concerned with being supportive that one may put any issues they have with the relationship aside. Once those horrible times subside they go back to concentrating on the incompatibleness they feel etc. Also, going through something tough with someone shows their true character, and they're shortcomings on that could be noted for another day they are feeling blue. Even with that however if they are wonderful together (getting along, laughing, etc.) like u mentioned then it could just be they have an alternative motive... perhaps someone else has caught their eye or they feel the relationship is unstable ... either way it's important to get to the heart of the matter... no one should call it quits with out both people giving it a fighting chance together (as in at the same time).
koolman
koolman
Maybe they're hooked on the drama of turmoil. When things are going good, they get bored.
deleted_user
deleted_user
A question I asked in a topic previously, is being 'happy' and 'in love' the same thing or differently.

It is quite confusing to be told someone loves you but that THEY are not happy, don't you think ?
deleted_user
deleted_user
maybe they were unhappy for a longer time but tried to be happy and until a month ago they couldn't deny it anymore.

There's always the chance they are unhappy all of a sudden because they found incentive elsewhere.