Healthy Relationships Support Group
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Ages ago my first love was with a woman I have always considered the most beautiful I ever knew and to this day I maintain that opinion. As all first crush events go, it spiraled into disaster with regrets and after a brief reconnect a few years later, life intervened and we went separate ways into separate marriages and that was that .....
My current marriage is on the nice but apart level of life, and with boomerang kids in the house, alone time is rare but there is enormous tenderness.
Through my old college alumni yearbook, I discovered the locale of my first love as above and for kicks reconnected lightly and set it all aside, just nice to know stuff like that.
Then came a day - September 11, 2001. I am a 101st floor survivor from the South Tower. Walked the 1,800 stairs down to the ground and am lucky to be alive. Life and people took on a whole new venue of life.
A few days later, I contacted the lady of this drama and she broke down, crying " I thought I lost you."
We me twice in 2002 for lunch and walking around a mall, and I was delighted to simply be HERE on planet earth and talking to her. First relationships NEVER go that route. And after seven years we reconnected this week for lunch. Again, nothing happened beyond conversation and a four hour span of time when our alternative lives dropped aside.
Nothing will ever happen beyond a solid friendship and trust, but as a male I always suspect the divide. A significant other, held in the proper locale and with respect, can be a wonderful thing. A little bit like messing around with plutonium but limits are known.
My current marriage is on the nice but apart level of life, and with boomerang kids in the house, alone time is rare but there is enormous tenderness.
Through my old college alumni yearbook, I discovered the locale of my first love as above and for kicks reconnected lightly and set it all aside, just nice to know stuff like that.
Then came a day - September 11, 2001. I am a 101st floor survivor from the South Tower. Walked the 1,800 stairs down to the ground and am lucky to be alive. Life and people took on a whole new venue of life.
A few days later, I contacted the lady of this drama and she broke down, crying " I thought I lost you."
We me twice in 2002 for lunch and walking around a mall, and I was delighted to simply be HERE on planet earth and talking to her. First relationships NEVER go that route. And after seven years we reconnected this week for lunch. Again, nothing happened beyond conversation and a four hour span of time when our alternative lives dropped aside.
Nothing will ever happen beyond a solid friendship and trust, but as a male I always suspect the divide. A significant other, held in the proper locale and with respect, can be a wonderful thing. A little bit like messing around with plutonium but limits are known.
Am I correct in thinking your wife knows of this and is supportive of the friendship?
Sincerely,
OldChurchGuy
My wife - well in 2002 when I first met this charming lady, she asked how my spouse would feel about it. I pointed her gaze to the Toyota Camry I was driving and indicated it would be covered with 90,000 whacks by a ball pin hammer if she knew.
She does not know and never will know. Perspective is limited.
My thought here is that a significant OTHER does not need to be limited to a quantity of ONE after marriage. Yes there are opeative boundaries of behavior and codes, respect that.
Actually, I completed a second task post 9/11 for another woman as well. In fact, two if I include a homeless woman in Hoboken Train Station over the years.
Significant Other # 2
My ex-wife, who in 1981 to 1985 drove my life to hell through multiple drug abuse and financial ruin. She is leading a truly horrid life now, HIV positive post marriage and wrecked her existance. In 2002 I called her and had a lunch. She looks gawd awful but since she has soooooo many problems, I realized that if I can, with no trouble to me, remove the stigma of divorce - then it may lighten her burden a bit. She appreciated this no end and we have had almost no contact since.
Significant Other 3:
Homeless woman I have known for 10 years plus in Hoboken, a real gutsy lady and relatively sane. A financial handout more often than not.
So there you have it, 3 others in my life of various stages and consequence of action.
Sincerely,
OldChurchGuy
By the way, I even arrived early at my job in the Trade Center ON SEPTEMBER 11th because I was going to let the homeless lady use the trunk of my car for storage while she had a vitally need foot operation on that day. She decided not to have it, so I went on my merry way to work and had the damn building go away from me!!!! Of course she was watching all of this from the train station and felt horrible about it too.
What was that phrase - no good deed goes unpunished?
If you are comfortable with the arrangement and it seems better to keep your wife out of the loop, then go for it. My fear is that the longer she is kept in the dark that the more angry she will be should the relationships ever come to light.
May you always experience that peace which passes understanding.
Sincerely,
OldChurchGuy
the mere idea of this woman being in your life and in your heart without the knowledge of your wife cheating; it's an emotional affair. No matter how much this woman thought she lost you during the tragedies it could not possibly compare to how your wife and your family felt. I'm not judging you because in reality I have to admit I understand. Calling this woman or any other woman "significant others" is so disrespectful. The only significant woman in your life should be your wife.
There was a song where a man asks his wife "have you ever cheated on me" and she replies "only in my mind". You're having lunches and get togethers that you conveniently forget to tell your wife. She should be the person you don't want to hurt.
I understand this is something you want for yourself, you as an individual..I get it I really do. And you tell the story and it sounds so sweet but sweet doesn't make it right. Either you're going to live in the past or you're going to live in the here and now.