Healthy Relationships Support Group
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my hubby and I have been married for almost 9 years. In the beginning, I wanted what I considered a traditional marriage and relationship. He works, comes home then we sit down to dinner with the girls (his & mine) and discuss our day. Then spend the evening having family time.
Well he AND his mother informed me that if that is what I was waiting for it would never happen and I would just have to deal with it. I did....I started college, got a job, and joined a church. In other words, I filled up my life and time with things that interested me and helped my daughter (not his because she was already perfect and didn't need me except for a babysitter who basically let her behave any way she wanted).
The last 3 years especially I never do anything right....I spend to much time away from home. I do not cook or clean well enough. I am never here when he needs me. Blah Blah Blah.
I do not cook much because he has complained from the get go it is not good enough until the girls have the same attitude...I say let them do it themselves.
My house is not nasty but it is messy and lived in....I refuse to do major cleaning daily because 1) I work 2) it is not appreciated 3) the minute I do clean it up they come through and mess it up. But the biggest point is I am not a MAID
I used to keep an absolutely spotless home but I do not feel like anything I do is ever good enough....
How do I change this unhealthy relationship? How do I keep from wanting to divorce him? I do love him but the longer we are together the less I feel towards him...
Well he AND his mother informed me that if that is what I was waiting for it would never happen and I would just have to deal with it. I did....I started college, got a job, and joined a church. In other words, I filled up my life and time with things that interested me and helped my daughter (not his because she was already perfect and didn't need me except for a babysitter who basically let her behave any way she wanted).
The last 3 years especially I never do anything right....I spend to much time away from home. I do not cook or clean well enough. I am never here when he needs me. Blah Blah Blah.
I do not cook much because he has complained from the get go it is not good enough until the girls have the same attitude...I say let them do it themselves.
My house is not nasty but it is messy and lived in....I refuse to do major cleaning daily because 1) I work 2) it is not appreciated 3) the minute I do clean it up they come through and mess it up. But the biggest point is I am not a MAID
I used to keep an absolutely spotless home but I do not feel like anything I do is ever good enough....
How do I change this unhealthy relationship? How do I keep from wanting to divorce him? I do love him but the longer we are together the less I feel towards him...
From what I gather, you guy have a blended family and this alone can be a huge difficulty to face.
How did your relationship start? Did you guys discuss distribution of labor in the family and what your needs are in a marriage?
Idk if my marriage will work out or not , but before we tie the knot we discuss quite a bit what our expectations are of each other and how he sees our relationship with my children coming into it.
Also, what does the MIL have to do with your relationship ?
Why is she interfering?
I would decide for myself what I considered a fair division of labor and then only do that. Maybe choose to do the things that really bother you if they go undone. Like the dishes maybe, or the paper work, or the bathroom. Let him do his own laundry, cook his own food. Buy all disposable plates, cups and silverware.
It's not fair and is old fashioned misogynistic bull crap that women are expected to do more than half the house work if they are also working outside the home. I say welcome to the 21st century, Husband and MIL.
I know that if I had a man who was willing to do some of the things that I don't like, such as mowing the lawn, car care stuff, etc. then I might be willing to do a higher percentage of light stuff inside the house. My exBF said that since he changed my oil twice each year he should never have to do dishes!!! It's tricky coming up with a fair list, but can be done between two reasonable people. As far a discussing it beforehand, I know that in the past I just assumed we all know right from wrong and have a good grasp on fairness, but it doesn't seem to work that way. Having a MIL in the middle is not good. Not good at all.
those are difficult issues, and I still suggest you tell him 'We need to talk", and if he is motivated then MIL has to move over and you all get family counseling. He may be feeling insecure because he got hurt before too and momma is right there. Sorry to say that maybe this is not going to work out if he is not willing to stand up for you.