From my experience many men in general have tempers and if someone gets in their face and demands a confrontation or continues to aggravate them in this state a lot bad things can happen.
I m not excusing violence, I just believe that if a man is ticked off he should be left alone until the Hulk syndrome has passed, then we can calmly discuss unpleasant issues.
Do you feel that you've done nothing to get him to the point where he is grabbing you and throwing objects ?
If so, then you should leave.

I never aggravate someone and in the beginning of dating I inform a man that throwing objects, yelling, calling me names is NOT acceptable and if a guy can't get a handle on his anger there is no room for discussion at this point. He was warned and I will not leave in fear.

I knwo you are right and many men do have tempers, I think I often find this hard being a women who finds it quite easy to stay calm most of the time. I don't feel I do anything to specifically deserve this behaviour, however because of our past I do often find it hard to let things go which I think is what can lead him to that point of aggrivation. Yet I feel he shoul be more patent with me.

I have warned him about his behaviour, and the incidents do seem to be few and far between. And in a way I know that he has crossed this line far too many times, if it was a friend I would tell them to get the hell out! But my emotions are not allowing this, so despite my unhappiness I feel helpless.

No one deserve to be yelled at and threatened .
I just think if you want to be with him and he is willing to change you two may want to make rule that before you start are conversation that can potentially lead to an argument you both 1 think about how to word it before asking the question or making a statement and 2 ask each other if this is a good time to discuss if not 3 schedule a time to hash out your issues when you are both in a good state of mind

This was really helpful thank you! With what you said in mind, I think that I will remind him that these actions are not acceptable (I did make this clear after the very first incident) and that I want to see some active changes, and if I don't or there is a further incident there will be no discussion. And I will also suggest we keep to those rules.

I think it would be fair to say that if he does not I should walk away, he has had many chances.

Thanks you!

When I got tot he point where he threw you out in the middle of the night.
Yeah I would have left him then.

He has some crazy immature behavior that's for sure.

Too bad that he couldn't calmly tell you that he is an adult and he will smoke if and when he wants to... and then you could calmly tell him that you don't want to be with a man who smokes.

The lying and the sneaking around when we as people "Don't want to hear it" is crazy!

As people we should do what we want as long as it's hurting no one but ourselves. As couples we shouldn't parent each other.

dysfunction happens, that is what I see here. when it gets to this level it might be time for some professional intervention or just ending it.

I regret dating the women I have that have anger management problems.

That kind of problem tends to escalate, not get better, with time.

I would personally leave. I mean, in this situation, if you HAVE to ask if you should leave, I think you already are thinking it, and just looking for validation.

What Dave said.

Each time he exhibits this behavior, and you take him back - you are not sending a strong enough signal that this behavior is not okay. The next time its bigger, then more, and more, because each outburst is a test of boundaries.
He needs something within himself to change in order to be capable of being a fully functioning part of a healthy, adult relationship. You will never be able to change that in him.

Thank you all for the input, I certainly have a lot of thinking to do and need to consider why I allowed it to go this far. As it is a complex issue with strong feelings involved I know I will not walk away at this stage. But I also know this has been a turning point for me, I have given him a serious boundaries talk and as he has assured me he wants to change I have left it to him to seek out help, I don't think me pushing him into it will help. If this does not happen, I know he has been warned.

Thank you!

I am sitting here struggling with how to respond to this post...I have a gut feeling, but am hesitant to say. I guess that what I am thinking is that you have described his behaviour in the relationship that you don't like it, but what you haven't talked about is how you feel really. How does his behaviour make you feel? How does he make you feel about yourself? Do you feel valued, important, supported and loved? Do you feel respected, like an equal partner? Do you feel like you can really talk to him about important issues and work things out together and compromise? Do you feel like your needs are being met in the relationship?

Hi Wiggywango,

When he behaves like this it makes me feel awful, and if this was his only behaviour or it increased believe me id be gone! But for the majoritty of the time he does make me feel good. I do feel loved, if sometimes a little undervalued which I gues his behaviour doesn't help. But he has alot of behaviours which contradict this, and I know he tries really hard to show his appreciation and do nice things for me. The equility thing is a little tricky, his behaviour at times certainly makes us unequal, but we have times when we really do seem to work well and make agreat partnership! I never used to be able to talk to him, but he has really improved on this and now works hard to meet my needs (even if he still does or says the wrong thing the effort is undeniable). I supposethis is my dilemma, sometimes it's great and my needs are met, and at other times he just racts in ways which make me question it all. I guess I wanted guidance on how much of this behaviour is too much? There is too much good to throw it away, but I cant live with the bad sometimes :/