Healthy Relationships Support Group
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I have a friend that has admitted in the distant past ( 3-4 years ago) to having feelings for me, but I did not feel anything for him romantically. We have remained good friends since. When I am particularly down he will say I love you, tell me how much I mean to him, tell me how he would do anything to ensure my happiness, etc. When he says I love you it makes me really uncomfortable because I am scared he still has feelings for me. It's just awkward to be put in the position where someone may be in love with me, but I don't share those feelings. So I want to tell him it makes me uncomfortable when he says it, but what if he just simply means he loves me since we are good friends? It's been long enough for him to get over his feelings for me although he has remained single in that time so maybe he has been holding out hope? Yet I feel like it's egotistical to think he has held onto feelings all this time.
So I am wondering is it worth it to say it makes me feel uncomfortable and possibly clarify what he means when he says he loves me?
So I am wondering is it worth it to say it makes me feel uncomfortable and possibly clarify what he means when he says he loves me?
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
You will be stating how you feel about him and how you value his friendship
At the same time there isn't any type of assumptions and you will be clarifying how you feel about him... Big hug....xo
It think that if he has romantic love feelings for you and you are not interested, it is not far to use him as a shoulder to cry on and/or
For discussions about you dating other people..
I no not saying you are doing this, but I m
Referring to what I would do. If someone loves me "
Loves me" and I can't return it, I try to put a distance between us, because I feel bad.
This is how I see it. You say that this friend told you quite a long while ago that he had romantic feelings for you but you didn't have the same and still don't. When he admitted it those years ago, do you remember what you told him? You have remained good friends with him and I would certainly think he knows by now ( after 3-4 years ) that you don't have romantic feelings and he enjoys your close friendship and accepts it as such. As far as him remaining single, it may be that he just hasn't found ' Ms. Right ' yet? Do you think ( or know ) that he hasn't even dated all this time?
As far as saying ' I love you '.. maybe part of it's a southern thing with me, but I tell a lot of my men friends I love them ( on DS.. so maybe that doesn't count? ) and I've been married for 30 years. I tell my kid's friends I love them, I tell my female friends I love them. Heck, I've probably told my favorite cashier at Publix I love him at one time or another! Then again, I also hug strangers in Costco. Maybe I'm not a good gauge. lol
Bottom line is that it makes you feel uncomfortable. That is really the bottom line. I would hate for this friendship to end over a misunderstanding of what his intentions are. If y'all are true, close friends, which I sense that you indeed are, be honest with him. He should be able to understand and respect your feelings. You aren't being egotistical at all. If you're his best friend, maybe he just wants you to know that , ya know?
good gosh I ramble.
I totally agree too with what SCloud and Aronia said.
Love you!!!
LMT
I think if you value his friendship, gently approach the subject and be honest but tactful about how you feel about his statements. Be sure to mention that you just want to clear the air about things. I think it might be helpful for you to mention that you want him to be happy above all and that you believe a romantic relationship between the two of you would not make him happy because of how you feel.
come here for advice, talk to friends, glean insight
or
talk frankly to your buddy
hmmmmm?