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Should I break things off, or see how it goes

gretchenkv
gretchenkv

i have been seeing someone for a couple of months. We aren’t “official” yet, but are exclusive. At least he agreed to being exclusive, and I am trusting that he isn’t lying. Yesterday, we were supposed to see each other. But when I texted around 11am to ask what time he wanted to meet up, he said “I will call you when I gget back” (back from where he didn’t say). Well the evening rolled around and still no word from him. I finally texted to ask if he didn’t want to meet up. He said that he was still out of town (in a town about 1hr away from his place). Didn’t hear from him for the rest of the night.


This morning I asked what he did the day before, and he said he was at a friend’s bday party and ended up staying longer than planned. I didn’t say anything. But then later in the afternoon I asked if he no longer wants to see me (I said that it was my impression that he doesn’t want to see me anymore). He said of course that’s not the case...that he hadn’t anticipated staying so late at his friend’s celebration.


Now what he did was uncool. At the very least, he should have told me yesterday morning that he was going out of town (never mind that we already had established plans). But my question is, is this a red flag of things to come. Should I break things off, or wait a little longer to see if this is how he always is. I don’t want to waste my time with someone who isn’t serious, but I don’t want to over-react either.


Do I break things off, or give it a little while longer?






tonisora
tonisora
Hmm.. I would keep note of it, if something similar happens soon in the future, maybe bring up that you need to work on some of the communication that is going on between you. Tell him how you feel about the situation and see what he says.
gretchenkv
gretchenkv
A part of me is wondering if his story is true, or if he was with someone else. But I can’t really accuse him of anything without any proof.
GirlinCalif
GirlinCalif
If you don't really like him that much, or have other bad gut feelings about this guy, then yes, might as well break it off now. It's only been a couple of months.

But, if you like the guy, and would like to keep a relationship going, then I would believe what he says about the birthday party, and just carry on as normal.

P.S. Asking a guy if he no longer wants to see you anymore.... because he missed one date... doesn't make you come across too well.... so, maybe don't say that again. Instead, have mature, face to face conversations and it might be the time now to find out where he sees this relationship going. Because it sounds like you need to know that now. Talk to him! :)
Aronia
Aronia
Tell him that if you make plans, he has to let you know if you are on or off, so you are not putting your life on hold, but generally if someone is that inconsiderate , it is probably a personality flaw.
Community Leaderbobinmaine
bobinmaine
This is a red flag. He could have told you where he was going and why but he wanted to keep it a secret which is a sign of what you can probably expect, in the future.

To be honest, he is not up to your level, in fact, nowhere near your level! You can do better.

God Bless
rmb
rmb
I agree with Aronia. Maybe just say (not text), I know we’ve only been seeing each other a couple of months but I’d appreciate it if you could just let me know early enough that you can’t do something so I can plan my my day/night. If he balks or does it again, then move on.

Seeing someone for a couple of months is not a very long time and honestly maybe you both have a different idea of what exclusive means. An exclusive relationship doesn’t necessarily equate a serious relationship. So he may feel very loose and casual about things. This is the time when you guys are first getting to know each other. Whether it’s a red flag or not yet is hard to tell. A pattern of behavior is usually a good indicator of whether a person is not worth your time. I’ve ended potential relationships over less, simply because the person did something that was an immediate turn off. So it just depends how deeply this bothers you and on what your gut is telling you.
ShootingStar111
ShootingStar111
Definitely trust your instincts. I have been too forgiving in the past and wish I had just cut things off at the first sign of a red flag. There are always so many more that follow. Every single time. Maybe tell him you need to take a few days to think about things and see how he responds. Just a thought based on being a red flag connoisseur. If he really fights to make it work I might give him a second chance. Otherwise no. You should feel like his #1 priority (any children aside) and if he isn’t even telling you he is going out of town and will miss you that’s just not acceptable - especially so early on.

Bottom line, listen to your instincts. They're telling you something is off because your heart/hormones are not rational. Good luck to you and I hope he turns out to be a good one!
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
I think that it's just good manners if you have to cancel a date to inform the person that you can't make it

If you like him I would give it a shot.... This has only happened once and you've only been dating for a few weeks

If it happens again I would reassess moving forward.... I wish you well.....xo
Jacaroo
Jacaroo
It's interesting that you mentioned that you "at least" got him to agree to being exclusive. Did I read that correctly? If you are in some way manipulating (sorry for the strong word here) someone into a situation or agreement they don't want to be in, it's not going to work out very well. I guess I wouldn't want to be with someone who reluctantly agreed to be exclusive. That's me! You are a very valuable person and so you don't have to make someone want to love you. Wait patiently and keep working on yourself. I think it's important to love yourself and to be "happy" without the idea that someone in your life isn't where YOU want to be in a relationship. If I misunderstood, then I think it's also important to give people the benefit of the doubt. I would consider being upfront and very REAL and just ask him if he was seeing someone else. I wouldn't break off the relationship based on this one strange event. We can be too quick to jump to conclusions and feel like someone has to react the same way we would. Relationships take a lot of effort and work everyone learns how to give/take. But, you should be able to talk to your BF and air concerns about his lack of communication. Wish you the best!
Just1moreDay
Just1moreDay
Easy he lied. He was with someone or he could and would have told you that he was a bday and not meeting you and made another date with you.
patternskies
patternskies
whats the difference between exclusive and official? Isn't it much the same thing. He sounds like a confusing guy who is still making his mind up, it's pretty rude not to tell you where he is. If he said that ofcourse your still together afterwards....I'm sure you are. Doesn't sound like he's with another romantic interest. He sounds like he's still making his mind up and is possibly selfish (ie not telling you where he is when you have a planned date and only thinking of himself). I would bring it up with him, say please tell me what you're up too, if we have a plan, it's not right for you to have to sit around and wait for him.
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