Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
Hi, I email before, but now we my girlfriend &I are broken up but I miss her, and she text me and I know she loves me, but she does have anger issues as she has raged at me over this. (we used to see each other 5 times a week) It seems to be more about the secuirty to her that I am invested dollar wise and then I won't leave but I do love her, and wouldn't except she broke up with me 3 times over thisin 2 months and so finally I broke it off with her, because got tired of being treated like a yo-yo, and being hut so badly. Yes, she begged me to come back but basically I wouldn't but, I still haven't totally broken off since we text and call. I am so soft. She knows the right buttons and I am not that strong. I was married 34 years before this.
Anyway here was her position! She bought a very nice townhome, more than most single women could afford now a days. She is about my age. I am 62. She wanted me to buy into the townhouse, and she would include me in on the title 50/50, and a written contract. But I have to come up with $65K. I just sold my house, and I do have that money, but I just got transfer by my company (Outsourced) to one of their O/S companies,(I lost my continue input to pension as well) so everything is very shaky for all 200 IT employees, and no gauarantees. They can fire us at will or change our salaries, so at my age it is scary.
I told her based on the fact that she is cash rich, but income poor, I would pay 80% of all expenses in her home, food, etc included. But could not do the $65K. This has caused the break up. which is now about 40 days old. She said I want to hold my cash which i said is true because if they let me go, I can than still maintain things while I try to find something.
I have dated on a website and had little trouble but not into the girls I have dated, but still attached to my old girlfriend.
Some of my friends have moved into their girlfriends house without being asked to contribute to the house, and of course they share in all expensives, and do whatever they can. They seem happy.
They tell me it is not right, especially with my job situation that she should do this. Sounds greedy, and uncomprimising. The most important step is to move in and see how it goes.
Again, my girlfriend cries to me and says how I messed up her dream of us, but I tell her we still can be together, and by me paying as a renter, she would save close to $18,000 a year net. She still won't budge. She won't marry.
Many say because of her emotional issues, and outburst (She does have them, and they come out of the blue sometimes, even when we are having fun) that is her way of securing me not to walk away. But they also say, it would be very tough to get my money back should sometime go south. Or I only see a portion of it, even with a contract.
In my head, I have to agree with all my friends that, she has issues about loyalty, and even has this victim thing going on. She doesn't not get along with any of her four sisters, her brother, any aunts, uncles, etc. In our 18 months never met one, because she says they all are against her.
Yes, lots of red flags. She hates her father as well. Came from a disfunctional family. Like I said, married 3 times, engaged another time, and basically, they were all users. She was the one they gave and gave.
I guess now that I write this, i seems so simple, so obvious, that she not a bad person, but one with some issues that will never be fixed. Yet my heart aches, since she can be so affectionate, and loving. Yet, she has no close friends, and she is very demanding. OH boy, I just answered my own guestion. After all these years she been who she is and no one can change her and I certainly can't , yet so sad, because I do care, and she doesn't see this. Everyone is wrong. So, I guess, I picked and stayed with someone who was able for a while to change and then revert back. She is very attractive, and smart, and that's how I think I let all those things go and yet, still find myself, at times wanting to go back, and say, will you accept half.
Wow, a relationship can be as addicting as any drug, and when yu feel down, nervous, sad, you want to cure it, and to cure it, you go back to feel good again, until the next rage, happens. Usually after she drinks.
I'll listen though, but I think writing this out has help me. It' sad though, because we all want it to work so badly. Ths
Anyway here was her position! She bought a very nice townhome, more than most single women could afford now a days. She is about my age. I am 62. She wanted me to buy into the townhouse, and she would include me in on the title 50/50, and a written contract. But I have to come up with $65K. I just sold my house, and I do have that money, but I just got transfer by my company (Outsourced) to one of their O/S companies,(I lost my continue input to pension as well) so everything is very shaky for all 200 IT employees, and no gauarantees. They can fire us at will or change our salaries, so at my age it is scary.
I told her based on the fact that she is cash rich, but income poor, I would pay 80% of all expenses in her home, food, etc included. But could not do the $65K. This has caused the break up. which is now about 40 days old. She said I want to hold my cash which i said is true because if they let me go, I can than still maintain things while I try to find something.
I have dated on a website and had little trouble but not into the girls I have dated, but still attached to my old girlfriend.
Some of my friends have moved into their girlfriends house without being asked to contribute to the house, and of course they share in all expensives, and do whatever they can. They seem happy.
They tell me it is not right, especially with my job situation that she should do this. Sounds greedy, and uncomprimising. The most important step is to move in and see how it goes.
Again, my girlfriend cries to me and says how I messed up her dream of us, but I tell her we still can be together, and by me paying as a renter, she would save close to $18,000 a year net. She still won't budge. She won't marry.
Many say because of her emotional issues, and outburst (She does have them, and they come out of the blue sometimes, even when we are having fun) that is her way of securing me not to walk away. But they also say, it would be very tough to get my money back should sometime go south. Or I only see a portion of it, even with a contract.
In my head, I have to agree with all my friends that, she has issues about loyalty, and even has this victim thing going on. She doesn't not get along with any of her four sisters, her brother, any aunts, uncles, etc. In our 18 months never met one, because she says they all are against her.
Yes, lots of red flags. She hates her father as well. Came from a disfunctional family. Like I said, married 3 times, engaged another time, and basically, they were all users. She was the one they gave and gave.
I guess now that I write this, i seems so simple, so obvious, that she not a bad person, but one with some issues that will never be fixed. Yet my heart aches, since she can be so affectionate, and loving. Yet, she has no close friends, and she is very demanding. OH boy, I just answered my own guestion. After all these years she been who she is and no one can change her and I certainly can't , yet so sad, because I do care, and she doesn't see this. Everyone is wrong. So, I guess, I picked and stayed with someone who was able for a while to change and then revert back. She is very attractive, and smart, and that's how I think I let all those things go and yet, still find myself, at times wanting to go back, and say, will you accept half.
Wow, a relationship can be as addicting as any drug, and when yu feel down, nervous, sad, you want to cure it, and to cure it, you go back to feel good again, until the next rage, happens. Usually after she drinks.
I'll listen though, but I think writing this out has help me. It' sad though, because we all want it to work so badly. Ths
Also because of her behavior even if you have a contract and things do not work out I think it would be a very miserable situation to have to go through. You would be much better off using your money in ways that you know can give you security. In any aspect I kind of think you already know what to do about the townhouse as for the relationship I think and I know it is hard but in the long run a whole lot better if you let this lady go.
If things were to have worked out they would have by now. Anyway I hope that things will soon start to get better for you and much happier days find their way to you very very soon:)