Hello Ryan. Welcome to DS.

The threat to commit suicide if you leave speaks to this just-a-patient of advanced, chronic Control Freakitis. My own Control Freakitis never included trying to hold reluctant lovers, but I suffered and theraputed enough of ^it^ to have some clues. I have several siblings who use suicide threats as a preferred manipulation tool, so I got allot of early exposure to the phenom.

I called the bluff when I was boxed into this corner. "Suicide is a strictly personal choice, Honeybunch. Do what you gotta do. I am not taking responsibility for *your* choices. I'm just reserving the right to make my own strictly personal choices. Later gator." One of my brothers nearly succeeded in his resulting suicide attempt. I turned his manipulation into a therapy exercise for my own Control issues. He never pulled that manipulation on me again.

Gentle empathy, Ryan. Suicide martyrs are some mean-assed manipulators. Gentle support while you find your own solutions.

It is normal your love for her is fading. Bossy people do that. Don't blame yourself for what you are feeling. Bossy people are generally selfish, inconsiderate and feel superior (that is why they think they are entitled to have all things the way they want them to be). It is also a childish behavior. She is also manipulative (have you considered she might be a narcissist?) She desperately needs a wake up call. As for you, tell her how it makes you feel. If she doesn't change her behavior she doesn't love you. I would definitely move on. Don't let her manipulate you with threats. Nobody deserves to be in a relationship like that

Well said Arfie!

She knows you hate when she tells you what to do, but continues to do it anyway... Is there any one thing she repeatedly has to mention? Maybe chores, does she tell you to help cook or clean? Suicide can be a manipulation tool but it's also not a joke... I do truly believe there are 2 sides to every story and sometimes we can be blind to the side we play in the relationship.

You have tried to end it before, and she threatened suicide to coerce you into staying. That is not okay, no matter what issues you two had. Perhaps offer to go to couples therapy with her, and if she does not comply, cut ties. If you are not living together and have no kids, as hard as it may be, do it now before it gets worse.

She may well have an obsessive personality disorder?? perhaps?

Professional help can help a great deal with this.... and it will only get worse as time goes on if she doesn't get help


Threatening suicide is manipulation...… Big hug.....xo

https://psychcentral.com/disorders/obsessive-compulsive-personality-disorder/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/insight-is-2020/201604/5-signs-you-are-dealing-control-freak

Sorry that's happening. If she's asking you repeatedly to do things you promise to do, like chores or pay rent or whatever, that's nagging. Bossy is something else; it's her control over you and the relationship. Threatening suicide in response to you asserting yourself is both manipulation and using her control. Doesn't matter why she's doing it, in my mind. It is a drain to be around that all the time.

Don't stay tied to a person who is controlling you. If she's truly troubled, offer to find her some help. I'd go so far as to bring her parents or friends in to sort of intervene if she's truly suicidal. If she's not, then she's an asshole. Don't be with an asshole. Assholes don't change.

If someone threatened me with suicide I would call for help without question and give it over to professionals

I agree with the replies that say to call her on her threat. You don't sound happy at all in this relationship. you hate her controlling you, and you're telling us you've wanted to leave. So, leave. If she says she'll kill herself, either say "I'm calling 911" (and do it!), or say, "I'm calling your Dad/brother/etc right now then." (and do it!).

all solid advice of the same nature has been offered...take it

Have you tried talking to her? A healthy relationship is a partnership between two co-equals. If she is being bossy and dominating you what kind of a relationship is that? Maybe you can try to be a bit more firm and if it causes friction, then someone or something has to give. If you have been giving in, try to assert yourself that this can’t go on anymore. If she threatens you that she will kill herself, tell her that she is doing that to you now. Your relationship needs to change so that you will both enjoy out of a love give and take dynamics.

That one action you describe makes me feel like she really doesn’t love you.
Love is selfless. A normal person would sacrifice their own happiness to see their partner feel fulfilled, even if that fulfillment involves leaving the relationship.
It may be a good idea to ask for a short break, let her see what it feels like, then re-establish boundaries of respect, because somehow they got blurred..
I hope you two can work it out.

Is this the person you want raising your children? What if she threatened to kill your children if you leave? I would really reconsider dating this person.