Healthy Relationships Support Group
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Upon asking male friends how much sex they'd like vs what they get weekly from their mate, I hear the same answer. Men want sex a few times a week and tend to get it once or twice a month. This leads to masturbation at least twice a week for them.
I am a female and want sex pretty much daily. I ask my mate and get the excuses we all have heard. Yet he masturbates normally twice a week, sometimes three times. (It's not that hard to figure out). I've wrote notes telling him flat out I need to get laid (politely of course). Sweet notes of how he turns me on and how much I am in love with him. I've stimulated him while he sleeps and at times he wakes up, but mostly he does not and I'm left wet and horny. We talk, we fight. He claims all I want is sex. I've been told by girlfriends that men don't see love and sex as a partnership. I know women do but really, what about men? I've bought a crap load of nighties and cosplay outfits to no avail. I've told him to tell me when he wants a certain item worn, but he won't (shyness I assume). I wimp out because he's too busy pleasing himself and I'm left to feel not so sexy. I enjoy sex and intimacy. I think he was raised to be ashamed of his body as well as looking at a woman sexually unless she's a video or picture in a magazine.
I'm feeling used since we live together and I'm more of a do it all girl for him then a lover/partner. And yes, I've stopped picking up and cleaning up after him, it makes no difference, he still ignores the mess he's created.
I am not sure how to get him to realize this lack of intimacy is going to ruin this relationship. I don't want to give up on this, I can see that he loves me. He just doesn't lust after ME. I cannot get it through that a relationship includes SEX!
Thank you all for reading,
Angel
I am a female and want sex pretty much daily. I ask my mate and get the excuses we all have heard. Yet he masturbates normally twice a week, sometimes three times. (It's not that hard to figure out). I've wrote notes telling him flat out I need to get laid (politely of course). Sweet notes of how he turns me on and how much I am in love with him. I've stimulated him while he sleeps and at times he wakes up, but mostly he does not and I'm left wet and horny. We talk, we fight. He claims all I want is sex. I've been told by girlfriends that men don't see love and sex as a partnership. I know women do but really, what about men? I've bought a crap load of nighties and cosplay outfits to no avail. I've told him to tell me when he wants a certain item worn, but he won't (shyness I assume). I wimp out because he's too busy pleasing himself and I'm left to feel not so sexy. I enjoy sex and intimacy. I think he was raised to be ashamed of his body as well as looking at a woman sexually unless she's a video or picture in a magazine.
I'm feeling used since we live together and I'm more of a do it all girl for him then a lover/partner. And yes, I've stopped picking up and cleaning up after him, it makes no difference, he still ignores the mess he's created.
I am not sure how to get him to realize this lack of intimacy is going to ruin this relationship. I don't want to give up on this, I can see that he loves me. He just doesn't lust after ME. I cannot get it through that a relationship includes SEX!
Thank you all for reading,
Angel
Eventually I had to let him go.
How long have you been together?
Is he stressed about work?
Talk about things that don't have to do with sex. Reconnect with him.
Do something fun that you don't normally do.
I had low T in my later 40's and felt the same way about sex. Went on T therapy and since then I can't keep my hands off of my wife. :)
Shelle, we do have much in common & go out often. He gets jealous when a guy looks at me, yet I sit and think 'well you're not!' hahaa! When night comes, he pushes himself to stay up until he's dead tired and ready to pass out. He'll go as far as laying on his stomach some nights. We've been together a total of 7 yrs, once we started officially dating, sex stopped. Like, he caught the fish, just keep it frozen and it'll be good. He barely works, which is why I don't bother having him help with bills. My daily bills double what he makes really. He has no ambition to do more, just getting by is ok with him. I'll definitely try your advice though, thanks!
I feel that sex/making love is a VERY important part of a relationship and not for the physical gratification of it, but the mental, emotional, and spiritual bonds that play into a healthy relationship.
Eventually without the intamacy the relationship will more then likely fail. It is very posible that he could have issues with feeling sexual if he dose have Testoterone issues or maybe even depression issues associated with work, or lif ein general. There are so many things it can be.
I am sorry you have to go through this ! I have been there before also and it sucks.
I am sorry for the harsh words, but I feel a mans place is to take care of his woman in every way posible! I am all for equality, but I am also for fair treatment of others. The equality goes both ways and all responcibilitys should be shared.
Maybe he's self conscious about his performance or his member?
Does he take pleasure in pleasuring you? or is he selfish in bed?
Get some ideas. Watch porn by your self and see what they do.
If he is watching porn it could really kill your sex life. Porn raises the expectation of men and much of what you see in porn is unrealistic. My sex life got much better once I stopped watching it.