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I have been having sex with the same guy for about two months. Generally we do it in the dark/ dim lighting. He's seen me naked in the light MAYBE once. I am very self- conscious over my body and feel fat in front of people (stem's from my mother's criticism over it). I am very careful about what I wear around him.. only jeans.... or things that I think disguise my "real" and "disgusting" body.
For the past 2 months, I feel like I've been putting on a facade.....not showing him my real body during sex... I feel like the lighting makes it look completely better than it is..
Or how I dress when we go out at night/ when he's drunk.. everything is contributing to a more ideal image of my body than what it actually is in stark daylight. He's seen me naked for 2 months though......but I've always felt like it's been in more ideal conditions.
Today we went to his pool, I wrapped a towel underneath my bikini top, with just a little stomach poking through. He didn't see my full body because he came out of his house a little later, so he really only caught me with the towle tied around my top and my boobs.
I feel like I disgusted him, and he saw my real body. He asked me to hang out last night (for tonight), and after seeing me this AM, I feel like his attitude has completely shifted towards me because he's disgusted he's been having sex this long w someone who looks as fat as me.
Is this realistic? Does it seem rational that I could have put on a "facade" for 2 months? Do guys think like this?
I am very depressed.
For the past 2 months, I feel like I've been putting on a facade.....not showing him my real body during sex... I feel like the lighting makes it look completely better than it is..
Or how I dress when we go out at night/ when he's drunk.. everything is contributing to a more ideal image of my body than what it actually is in stark daylight. He's seen me naked for 2 months though......but I've always felt like it's been in more ideal conditions.
Today we went to his pool, I wrapped a towel underneath my bikini top, with just a little stomach poking through. He didn't see my full body because he came out of his house a little later, so he really only caught me with the towle tied around my top and my boobs.
I feel like I disgusted him, and he saw my real body. He asked me to hang out last night (for tonight), and after seeing me this AM, I feel like his attitude has completely shifted towards me because he's disgusted he's been having sex this long w someone who looks as fat as me.
Is this realistic? Does it seem rational that I could have put on a "facade" for 2 months? Do guys think like this?
I am very depressed.
That would be stereotyping which is inaccurate for one sex to ALL think alike..
It depends on who he/she is on each situation..
There are men/women who think they're fat when they are really not.
Fat ugly repulsive ? that all depends on the person doing the viewing...
some ppl don't mind any body size, some are picky,I know a guy who likes his women over 300 lbs..I know guys who won't speak to women over 130 lbs.
He's seen you nude & he's still inviting you over ?
What does he look like ? is he a model? does he need to work on his looks ? There are many men who love/like women for their personality & accept the body she has without judgement...
I've had sex with all types of women, all size variations & most races, The one I had the biggest problem with was 1 lady who had more armpit hair than I do...lol.
Soo Do 'all men' ? is not a fair question....
Most supersized ppl will wear non reveiling clothes such as shorts & a
t shirt to swim in..
I wear one... LMAO
I am a little on the large size. I don't care, my boobs barely fit into the top and I have love handles...
I AGREE WITH Cowboy357 if you are wearing a bikini and you are that self conscious about yourself already I doubt that he's repulsed or even thinks you're fat. And don't talk about that in front of guys they don't like it. They don't want to hear how fat you think you are. It is a huge turnoff . Be proud of your body it's yours it's the only one you have.
From my exoerience, it is not my fat or my disfigurements that would make me unattractive, but the fact that I would display serious hang-ups about it by avoiding normal social interactions, etc etc.
Men are attracted to confident, calm, happy women. I used to focus not on hiding my body, but on hiding my discomfort, while I was working on it.
Your best bet would be to address your coping mechanisms.
This thing with past abuse is not going to go away, due to circumstance under which it happened, therefore I would say a good way to deal with it is to accept it and work through it to minimize the effects as much as possible.
I m sorry that this happened to you. Our parents are suppose to give us security, nurture confidence and teach us how to love ourselves. Your parent didn't do that and it has to hurt, but your future is in your hands.
Don't let this person indirectly jinx your intentions for a good life. Grabs the bull by the horn.
I'm sure, if he's been having sex with you for 2 months, he at least likes the way your body FEELS.
What does HIS body look like, BTW?